Topless Of The Class

“PAGE 3 LEGEND STABBED.”

So announces the Sun on its front page. And reading on we learn that Kathy Lloyd (34DD) has been punctured.

A source tells us: “She said she had been stabbed with a broken wine glass.” Echoes of Heather Mills, indeed. And as with Lady McCartney there is a shot of the alleged victim baring her assets for our browsing.

Such are the perils of being a top model. It is a career not to be entered into lightly. Not that Sam Cooke, 21, lacks in the brains department. Sam is the winner of the Sun’s Page 3 Idol contest.

Sam has two breasts (30F when combined into a single bust), blonde hair and lies back on a bed of white feathers. Says Sam: “It is a stupid stereotype that Page 3 girls are thick. I hope to prove people wrong.”

Sam has four A-levels in physics, biology, chemistry and psychology (grades – A, B, C, D, DD etc. - unspecified). Unlike her namesake, this Sam Cooke knows all about trigonometry, algebra and what a slide rule is for.

How Sam plans to change the public’s perceptions of Page 3 girls is not stated, but given her achievements do not rule out her doing so with the aid of quadratic equations, graphs and a topless duet with Jordan.

We will follow her campaign in the pages of the Sun. As we also track her development – some would say over-development - in the paper as it takes us through Sam’s family album.

It is not without interest to note that at age 1, Sam showed little sign of the glories that lay ahead. And at age 4, age 5 and age 6, who would have guessed that the child would grow into the busty stunna?

It is heart-warming stuff to see the child alongside the buxom woman, a feeling aided by the news that Sam’s mum and dad, are “thrilled” she has turned out like she has (in matching white bra and panties).

We wish Sam every success in her nascent career. And warn her to stay away from footballers, aged rockers and wine glasses…

Posted: 29th, December 2006 | In: Tabloids Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink