GMTV Modified

“CAMERON Diaz has apparently split from Justin Timberlake.”

So writes “GMTV’S Fiona Phillips”. Fiona is not sure about the state of the Diaz-Timberlake relationship – doubtless she is still researching it – but thinks that if the affair is at an end it is no bad thing. “Jude Law is still free, Cam,” says Fiona. “Give him a call. I would be so excited.”

Just in case Cameron Diaz does not read Fiona’s column in the Mirror, we have republished her invitation on Anorak.

And while Cam, as Fiona cells her, shags Jude Law to make Fiona happy, Fiona takes a look at some other men.

Tsk! Men! Can’t live with ‘em, can’t find anything to write about without ‘em.

Fiona has been taking a trip down the A1. She has been to Scotland for Hogmanay. And hungry for some sustenance, Fiona and “we” passed a sign for Little Chef. Fiona hates the “horribly smug little chef logo”.

So Fiona forwent the chance to restorative plate of bacon, eggs and a fried slice in favour of a bottle of water, coffee and smoothies. She nearly “choked” on being charged £32.40 for that lot.

But the Costa Coffee section at the service station is the “cleanest and most inviting”.

Still, too many sandwiches can be a bad thing and Fiona is feeling “fat and wasted”. But not useless. She is not a man. As Fiona says: “WHAT IS THE POINT OF MEN AT CHRISTMAS?”

Well, she could give one a good kicking and burn some calories and feel reinvigorated – we suggest she pick on a fat chef.

Or she could join a gym. Or not. Fiona had a gym membership for seven years but used it “for a total of no more than two”.

Two years in the gym, eh. Can any man say the same?

Or are they too busy climbing down chimneys, chasing Cameron Diaz and being fat little chefs..?

Posted: 8th, January 2007 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink