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Anorak | Angelina Jolie – Hands Off Brad

Angelina Jolie – Hands Off Brad

by | 10th, January 2007

ANGELINA Jolie. Brad Pitt. Nicole Kidman. Can you guess which celebrity owns the hand?

The Star publishes a picture a hand holding a glass of beer. The glass is half empty, or half full. And the pinky-white hand, judging by the arrangement of the fingers, is a right one.

The Star brings news from the new movie God Grew Tired of Us. Nothing is said of the film with the unprepossessing title. The Star prefers to focus on the great and good in attendance at the premiere party.

There is Angelina Jolie in full relief, her face looming from the page. And there she is again, standing before the film’s star Nicole Kidman. Kidman has her arms crossed about her chest, thus preventing us from seeing her right hand.

Angelina Jolie’s hands are also out of shot. But, thankfully, the Mail does spot them. Like the Star, it produces a picture of a disembodied hand. The hand is “gnarled” and covered in thick chords of veins.

The Mail assures us that this is Angelina Jolie’s hand. It is not Madonna’s hand. By way of a compare and contrast, the Mail produces a picture of Madonna’s claw-like hand clutched around the top of a bottle of water in the manner of a vulture’s talons curled about the neck of a young gnu. It is different to Jolie’s. But not that different.

To explain, the Mail asks Steve Mongey to assess what he sees. Steve is not a hand surgeon, palmist or nail technician but the head trainer at a London gym.

Says Steve: “If you don’t keep your eating up and do lots of exercise the fat gets stripped away and the veins become exposed.” (See Jolie and Madonna.)

More informed about hands, we return to the Star’s hand. We see no bulging veins. This hand is almost smooth. The nails are short. It may well be the hand of a man. It may well be Brad Pitt’s hand.

And here comes the actor now. He’s walking over to speak with Kidman. An onlooker explains: “Brad spoke briefly with Nicole and then Angelina intervened. But Nicole looked far from impressed and folded her aims, almost defensively.”

Kidman’s body language suggests something is amiss. But the scene tells us nothing about the hand. Is it Brad’s? And is that Brad Pitt nuzzling Nicole Kidman’s cheek?

Again we cannot be certain. All we see is a choppy mop of brownish hair and a right ear. This ear is neither decorated with an earring nor holding a glass of lager.

It may be Brad’s ear. The Star doesn’t know, or isn’t telling…



Posted: 10th, January 2007 | In: Tabloids Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink