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Anorak | Celebrity Big Brother’s Crawl Joke

Celebrity Big Brother’s Crawl Joke

by | 17th, January 2007

small_171148_1_1169027385.jpg“SHE makes me feel sick. She makes my skin crawl.”

The thought of Jade Goody’s skin crawling is not a pleasant one. But one person happy with Jade’s mobile skin is Jade.

Whether the skin be white, sunset orange or a deep mahogany brown, Jade is happy.

But Jade needs to learn that not everyone has such talented, chameleon skin.

Take Shilpa Shetty, aka “The Indian”, “The Princess” and “Shep”.

Shilpa’s skin does not crawl. If Shilpa Shetty’s skin needs any treatment is has to wait for the rest of Shilpa to take it to a basin and before a mirror.

This is a source of much wonder to Jade and her ilk. And while applying a treatment to remove unwanted facial hair, Danielle (complexion: Brookside beige) wonders: “Do you get stubble?”

That question was addressed to Shilpa’s mouth. But before Shilpa could reply, Jo (complexion: Prisoner Cell Block H), adds: “Like a man!”

Later Danielle turns to Jade and says of Shilpa: “She wants to be white.”

If true, we wonder if Danielle can in some way swap skin with Shilpa. Can Shilpa’s skin be trained to crawl like Jade’s? This way Shilpa can be white, as Danielle says she wants to be, and Danielle can be a radiant, alluring brown. This should spare Shilpa from a lifetime of skin envy and save Danielle a not inconsiderable fortune in tanning products.

Of course, Danielle may be made truly ashen white were she to read the Mirror’s front page. “EVICT THEM,” says the headline. “Storm as 10,000 blast Big Brother bullies.”

Danielle, Jade and Jo are all pictured. Complaints have been made. Thousands of Big Brother viewers have accused the three of racism and bullying.

Labour MP Keith Vaz, of Asian skin tones, is said to have tabled a Commons motion condemning the abuse dished out to Shilpa.

Says he: “If this racist behaviour goes on, they should be asked to leave.”

This is the Sun’s “HOUSE OF HATE”. The Sun hears Jade Good’s boyfriend (complexion: simple) invite Shilpa to pick chicken bones out of the Big Brother toilet with her teeth.

Danielle is unhappy with Shilpa touching any food. Says Danielle: “You don’t know where those hands have been.”

Jade has been dumped as the frumpy face of an anti-bullying charity. Act Against Bullying calls Jade’s behaviour “unforgivable”.

Says Jo: “Indians are thin because they don’t cook food properly.”

And Shilpa says… Well, Shilpa just carries on. Her skin might be untalented, but it is admirably resilient…



Posted: 17th, January 2007 | In: Celebrities Comment (1) | TrackBack | Permalink