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Anorak | Smiley Kylie – Minogue’s Hotpants, Russell Brand’s Big Brother Sex & Prince Harry’s Fight

Smiley Kylie – Minogue’s Hotpants, Russell Brand’s Big Brother Sex & Prince Harry’s Fight

by | 9th, February 2007

small_171267_1_1171105888.jpg WHY do we like Kylie Minogue? Is it because after years of grooming and shaping she still manages to look and sound like a pre-pubescent girl wearing her mum’s make-up and singing into her hairbrush?

Whatever the reasons, Kylie remains big news. And on Monday , there was heartbreak. Kylie’s romance to French actor Olivier Martinez was at an end.

Kylie was alone. But Martinez was with another woman. “KYLIE CAD CRUZ SCHMOOZE,” announced the Mirror’s front page.

There was a picture of Olivier Martinez. He was embracing a woman. And this, said the Mirror, “just 12 hours” after his romance to Kylie Minogue ended. For shame!

There were more “SENSATIONAL” pictures inside the paper. And once again we saw the cover shot of Martinez embracing a dark haired person. The caption read “HUG”.

It was preceded by “DELIGHT”, in which Martinez moved into for the clinch and flashed a “broad smile”. And before that there was “MEETING” in which Martinez was seen meeting this significant other.

And do not doubt her significance. Martinez was with Penelope Cruz. It is her head we see. Her hands. Her hair.

These, said the Mirror, were the pictures that would break Kylie’s heart. “Does he really have to rub Kylie’s nose in it?” asked an “insider”. “This will devastate her.”

Poor Kylie. Where will she find love? Perhaps with Jason Donovan. Or the ubiquitous Russell Brand?

The Tuesday we heard that Brand, the man with the mouth of an aroused King Charles spaniel, was trying to ban a seedy book about his celebrity life.

In what the Sun was calling “Big BRUV AFTERMATH”, books were being written. And one of these works detailed the life and times of Big Brother host Russell Brand.

This unofficial biography talked of Brand’s “sordid sessions” with women, including prostitutes, said the Star.

The claim was that the Big Brother presenter lost his virginity at aged 16 to a Hong Kong-based Filipino prostitute paid for by Brand’s dad Ron.

The book told us: “Sweating and shaking, young Russell climbed into bed with the Filipino vice girl. The 16-year-old Essex lad, destined to be one of Britain’s notorious womanisers and outrageous comics, was about to be initiated in the ways of the flesh.”

This was the stuff: “Afterwards, he ran his quivering hands over the prostitute’s perfect olive curves, she sighed with passion: ‘I must leave before I fall in love with you.”

What Filipino hooker could help but fall for an inexperienced, priapic Essex boy?

But Russell did not fall in love and marry. Brand whose tales of sordid sex, an eating disorder and his £100-a-day heroin addiction are the mainstay of the celebrity life (chuck in some bullying for the full set) remains single. Could he be the one for Kylie Minogue?

And Kylie is not without her charms. On Wednesday

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Posted: 9th, February 2007 | In: Broadsheets Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink