Horror Stories
EVERY day of every week the Mail thinks up imaginative ways to remind you that life is cruel and you are going to experience pain and die.
And if it can’t think any up, it looks at the latest scientific research.
Here is a selection of things that will kill you and yours from last week’s paper of doom…
MONDAY
“BEDBUG BABYLON. Creepy crawlies in five-star London hotel – that’s the least of the worries, says this insiders” – Vermin. Bugs. Guests.
“BIGGEST THREAT TO THE PLANET? An insatiable appetite for new cars, power stations being built at an alarming rate. Forget our effort to go green – this is where the future of the world will be decided” – Fight the power!
“The sat-nav thieves who home in on your house” – They take gadgets from cars in the street and go to the “home” location. And rob the place
“STARVING OF THE ELDERLY – A health minister, Ivan Lewis, says meals at care homes are a “single scoop of mash”, which may or may not be an improvement on chips
TUESDAY
“Pensions: 80pc ‘facing poverty in their old age” – And mashed potato
“Prozac ‘increases the risk of broken bones’” – Researchers from Canada’s McGill University find people taking antidepressants are twice as likely to suffer broken bones
“The cholesterol con. Saturated fat is bad for the heart. High cholesterol kills and statins save millions of lives. It’s what we’ve been told for years – but could doctors have got it wrong? A controversial new book says that they have” – Dr Malcolm Kendrinks ask the questions, and flogs his book
The numbers:
1,000 – The number of people who die from asthma each year
40 – The pounds of dead skin cells we shed in the course of a lifetime
“STRESS: ‘The real cause of fatal heart disease’” – More from Dr Kendricks
“I’m 37 and super fit, but after all those years of ballet my hips are crumbling” – Darcy Bussell writes…
“Food intolerance – a real conditions or nothing but a fad?” – Is it a trick question?
“Cynicism is bad for our heart…at least, that’s what the scientists say” – University of Michigan writers a really important study
WEDNESDAY
“Vive la France and adieu to Blair’s Britain” – John Edwards writes from France
“Promotion ‘almost as stressful as divorce’”
THURSDAY
“Cooking your cloth could be a recipe for disaster” – Microwaving will kill germs; and the resultant fire may kill everything else within a 100metre radius
“Cat owners ‘most at risk from flu’” – Headline of the week
“More babies born. More crime. More suicides. More drinking. Now scientists try to explain why we’re all…MOONSTRUCK” – Curse Cher Blair and her moon machine
“Pill ‘may not work as well for fat women’” – Dr Charles Lockwood of Yale University says pill testing should reflect “real world conditions”, with fat people having sex
“Blonde, brunette, intelligent or athletic – all are possible in the terrifying new world of so-called ‘supermarket babies’. Femail went undercover to find out just how easy it is for British women to order a PICK ‘N’ MIX BABY” – If Woolworth’s did babies…
“As Keira Knightley sues over a claim by one mother that she encourages anorexia, we ask again. How can these images NOT be a bad example to girls” – Pictures of rich, young and successful Posh, Nicole Richie and Knightley
FRIDAY
“Sea levels ‘will keep rising for 1,000 years’” – Says Intergovenmental Panel on Climate Change
“The only thing my father left me was a soup-stained tie but believe me, Mr Brown, inheritance is what makes Britain great” – More from Tom Utley’s family
Posted: 29th, January 2007 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink
