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Britney’s Fantasy Surgery

by | 18th, January 2007

small_171156_1_1169133168.jpg“BRITNEY – $30,000 PLASTIC SURGERY SHOCKER!”

K-Ferret, Britney would look worse?

Might it have been that hanging around with rat-faced Kevin Federline made Britney look prettier, cleaner, better?

The Enquirer’s front page features Britney’s rhomboid features. She looks bloated, pale and plain.

But reading on, we realise that Britney is not without hope. Having cut K-Ferret from her life, can Britney now add some nip and tuck to the rest of her self?

Should Britney be considering going under the surgeon’s blade, the Enquirer offers a handy snip-out-and-keep guide to what procedures she must consider.

The magazine calls DR Dennis Hurwitz, a “board-certified cosmetic surgeon”. Hurwitz is the author of Total Body Lift. But for reasons of space and time, the doctor is only invited to lift Britney’s face. Bum, tum and legs are for another time.

To begin, Hurwitz would conduct an ultra-sound liposuction on Britney’s face. This is Fantasy Celebrity Surgery and Hurwitz has been given a budget of £30,000.

“She’s too young to have a total face lift,” says Hurwitz. So it will be the face lipo, followed by an upper and lower lid blepharoplasty.

And then, while we are at it, Hurwitz might as well take off some excess nose. And set back Britney’s ears. And plump out her thin lips with an injection of fat from other parts of her body. What parts? Take your pick.

And to crown this new face, the Enquirer invites John Ottavino, a “New York hair stylist”, to work through the tresses.

It will take $2,500 to save Britney’s locks.

And at $30,000 for the lot – 5% per cent off for cash and use of Britney’s off-cuts in promotional material – it would be money well spent.

That’s if Kevin leaves her with any…



Posted: 18th, January 2007 | In: Money Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink