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Anorak | The Second Coming – David Beckham, Victoria Beckham & Jesus

The Second Coming – David Beckham, Victoria Beckham & Jesus

by | 4th, March 2007

the-second-coming-david-beckham-victoria-beckham-jesus.jpg DAVID Beckham. And much debate. Is Beckham losing his hair?

How long will it be before the trimmings from David’s sack, crack and back are woven into his scalp? How long before the back pages feature not news of David’s latest match but his face on an advert for hair renewal? Beckham: football’s Shane Warne.

A “top image consultant” was telling the Star: “If David is losing his hair, it would be a complete and utter disaster for him.”

And for Her Poshness, who has been known to coordinate her own hair style with her husband’s. what price Posh turning into an ambulatory Kojak orange lolly?

Was this why David was in Madrid, away from the lights and the laughter of the Oscars, where Vicky was sashaying down the red carpet and wondering what could have been had she only added a more regal touch to her Spice Girls movie.

But they should not worry. The Beckhams are going to live in Los Angeles, a place where hair is zipped-on. We remain confident that the right small woodland creatures can be found to live atop each of Dave and Vicky’s heads.

In Hollywood anything is possible. And quick look busy Jesus is coming.

James Cameron, film director, the man behind Titanic, The Terminator and Piranha Part Two: The Spawning, said he had found is Jesus’ coffin.

And, as with so much of Cameron’s work, when you find one hit you get a few sequels. So along with Jesus’ coffin, Cameron introduced the world to the coffins of Marianne (thought to be the real name of Mary Magdalene) and Judah “son of Jesus”.

Cameron called this “one of the greatest archaeological finds of all time”.

Cameron said this was all compelling evidence that Jesus was married to Mary Magdalene and had a child called Judah.

Said he: “I never doubted that there was a historical Jesus, but the simple fact is there has never been a shred of archaeological evidence until now.”

So here was Jesus, Mary and Judah. And here was Amos Kloner, an archaeologist, to tell the Mirror that it was all “nonsense” “The names on the caskets are the most common names found among Jews at the time.”

If only Mary and Joseph had named their son something a little more unusual, a little more in keeping with his celebrity. If only Jesus had been called Brooklyn, Romeo or Cruz.

David Beckham knows how make legends and heroes. Even when Posh and Becks are doing nothing they are doing something.

And we read with interest in the Star that David and Victoria have been living apart. Day-vid has been in Madrid. And Vicky has, as we’ve seen and seen again, been in the City of Angels.

And the Mirror caught up with Vicky and heard just what she’d been getting up to.

Said Vicky: “I was at a party the other day when Tom Hanks came bonding over.” No way! Tom Hanks bounds? Who would’ve thought it? Go on…

“He said: ‘I’m so thrilled you and David are coming over. I’m going to get a season ticket to watch LA Galaxy now.”

That was great news. Just another 100,000 tickets to sell and Vicky will have more than justified Dave’s £1million a week wages.

Said Vicky: “All the time he was talking I was just thinking, ‘It’s Forrest Gump! And he knows who I am.’”

Steady on, Posh. Hanks might bound and look a little mentally negligible in

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Posted: 4th, March 2007 | In: Broadsheets Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink