Red Alert As Prince Harry Is Kidnapped
“AL-QAEDA TARGET HARRY.”
So says the Sun on its front page.
As scoops go this one’s right up there with “Jordan Sleeps On Back” and “Bin Laden Finds Soup In Beard”.
A combination of red hair and royal lineage was always going to make Prince Harry stand out from the crowd in Iraq.
Harry is in danger. There have been messages posted on websites. “Prince Harry will be sent to Iraq to be killed by Muslims,” says one. “May Allah give him what he deserves – like his fellow crusaders,” says another. “Harry’s coming – buy booze and fags while stocks last,” warns a third.
But Harry will not be denied his chance to represent granny and country.
In readiness for this mission, Harry’s been undergoing some intensive training.
As the Star reports, it was only recently Harry replaced the Queen’s answer phone message at Buckingham Palace with: “Hey, Wassup! Press three for the Corgis.”
Having lived to tell the tale, Harry’s next daring mission, is to wear a hood. Once the hood is on, Hoodie Harry will not be deployed in a provincial shopping mall to look surly, smoke spliffs and menace shopkeepers. Harry will be kidnapped.
As the Sun says, Harry will be removed to a hut in the Thetford Forest area of Norfolk. Harry’s men will then try to rescue him in a “rapid reaction” manoeuvre. They will use grenades and tear gas.
In case any insurgents are looking in, the Sun produces a pictorial guide to kidnapping Harry.
Picture 1. Harry is in a tank-like vehicle. His head is poking out the top like a hairy Belisha Beacon.
Picture 2. Three men dressed in black clothes and complementary balaclavas mount the vehicle and pull Harry out like a cork from a bottle of red wine.
Picture 3: The rescuers lob tear gas canisters and grenades through the window of the building where Harry is being held prisoner.
Insurgents might care to note that the rescue might not go to plan if: a) the make-shift prison has no windows; b) Harry is taken to somewhere more secure than a hut; c) Harry tricks his captors into a drinking game.
Such are the dangers…
Posted: 5th, March 2007 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink
