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No Armour Done – Child Stab Vests & Barcode Babies

by | 28th, March 2007

childarmour2.jpgTOUGH on crime, tough on the causes of crime. And because people cause most crimes – let’s not forget the magpies – it’s time to get tough on people.

So here’s the Mail’s headline: “All pupils should be checked for criminal tendencies, says Blair.”

According to the Mail, the Prime minister says the “key to reducing crime was identifying future offenders at the earliest possible age, using ‘universal’ checks.”

There is talk of “bar-coding babies at birth”. That from Shami Chakrabarti, director of Liberty. This is tough stuff in a Brave New World.

And it is needed. As the Express says: “Now stab vests are part of the school uniform.”

A company called VestGuard UK claims to have received over 100 calls from “anxious families” over the past few weeks. They are interested in kitting little Armani and Burberry out in body armour.

Not yet available in school colours, the vest – retailing at £300 to £425 – is selling well.

“This,” says the Express, “is a major embarrassment for the Government.” But we imagine the face of offialdom looks pale alongside the deep shade of red experienced by Armani as she sits bolt upright in class, rigid and unable to bend or turn.

web-pic-covert1.jpgBut mum and dad are worried for their child. As one mum who bought a vest tells the paper: “It’s very expensive and we do not have a lot of money but I have no choice… She doesn’t like wearing the vest and says it is heavy, but I force her to wear it. I said, ‘Life comes first.”

You can just imagine the 13-year-old girl telling her schoolmates that as they bypass the vest and punch her in the arm, causing untold psychological damage.

Or else the girl might wait until mum’s gone and sight and take the thing off? As the other girls pull up their skirts and roll up the hems, turn their scarves into belts and stick earrings into ears and elsewhere, this little love pulls off her reinforced underwear.

A spokesperson for VestGuard tells the paper: “People are concerned by what is happening on the streets.”

The Express says it will not be surprised if the vests become “a standard part of the uniform in inner-city secondary schools”.

Indeed. We look through the VestGuard catalogue and note the VG100 school cap, throat mics and walky-talkies on offer. We see a vision of the school of the future.

And it might already be upon us. Here comes mum now in her urban tank.

But only the guilty need be afraid…



Posted: 28th, March 2007 | In: Tabloids Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink