Taking Big Brother’s Jodie Marsh Up The Aisle
BEFORE JADE Goody and Shilpa Shetty, Jodie Marsh was the celebrity victim of bullying on Celebrity Big Brother.
Sadly, Marsh is no Shetty and comes blessed with all the grace, poise and hue of last night’s chicken tiki massala. Jodie’s post-Big Brother career has not gone from strength to strength.
Jodie has not been kissed by Richard Gere, as Shilpa famously has. In fact, Jodie would be happy to be kissed by anyone. As the front page headline reads: “Jodie Marsh: I want to marry a Daily Sport reader.”
Chances are considerably high that many readers of the Daily Sport, with its diet of Orlaith McAllister’s arse and adverts for porn, are either a) married; b) adolescents too young to get married; c) unable to understand the question.
But not to worry, because Jodie is coming to get you. Wearing a belt, a pelmet and a veil, Jodie announces her plan to find a man.
“I’ve decided to do something completely outrageous,” says Jodie. Is she going to have anal sex with Orlaith McAllister? “I’m desperate to settle down with the man of my dreams, so I’m launching a nationwide search to find a husband.”
Far be it from us to dabble in affairs of the heart, but we suggest Jodie lend her quest an international bent and head to places like Russia, China and all other lands where men would dearly love to marry a British girl.
“If you think you’ve got what I want in a man, I’d really love to meet you in person at my open auditions,” says Jodie.
As is the way of such things, the auditions will be filmed and form the central plank in MTV’s Totally Jodie Marsh: Who’ll Take Her Up The Aisle?”
What form the auditions will take is not outlined, but expect to see men tested for how quickly they can varnish Jodie and any one of a number of itchy diseases…
Update: Is that orange colour the result of penicillin?
Posted: 17th, May 2007 | In: Celebrities Comments (177) | TrackBack | Permalink
