Taking Big Brother’s Jodie Marsh Up The Aisle
BEFORE JADE Goody and Shilpa Shetty, Jodie Marsh was the celebrity victim of bullying on Celebrity Big Brother.
Sadly, Marsh is no Shetty and comes blessed with all the grace, poise and hue of last night’s chicken tiki massala. Jodie’s post-Big Brother career has not gone from strength to strength.
Jodie has not been kissed by Richard Gere, as Shilpa famously has. In fact, Jodie would be happy to be kissed by anyone. As the front page headline reads: “Jodie Marsh: I want to marry a Daily Sport reader.”
Chances are considerably high that many readers of the Daily Sport, with its diet of Orlaith McAllister’s arse and adverts for porn, are either a) married; b) adolescents too young to get married; c) unable to understand the question.
But not to worry, because Jodie is coming to get you. Wearing a belt, a pelmet and a veil, Jodie announces her plan to find a man.
“I’ve decided to do something completely outrageous,” says Jodie. Is she going to have anal sex with Orlaith McAllister? “I’m desperate to settle down with the man of my dreams, so I’m launching a nationwide search to find a husband.”
Far be it from us to dabble in affairs of the heart, but we suggest Jodie lend her quest an international bent and head to places like Russia, China and all other lands where men would dearly love to marry a British girl.
“If you think you’ve got what I want in a man, I’d really love to meet you in person at my open auditions,” says Jodie.
As is the way of such things, the auditions will be filmed and form the central plank in MTV’s Totally Jodie Marsh: Who’ll Take Her Up The Aisle?”
What form the auditions will take is not outlined, but expect to see men tested for how quickly they can varnish Jodie and any one of a number of itchy diseases…
Update: Is that orange colour the result of penicillin?
Posted: 17th, May 2007 | In: Big Brother TV Comments (177) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink
Comments
- yampster on Jamie Cullum Sings The Persuit, In Pictures
- yampster on Susan Boyle Weeps As The Press Set About Destroying Her
- Anorak on Dietmar The German Stork Has A Wooden Leg
- ptet on Dietmar The German Stork Has A Wooden Leg
- jennifer whidddon on Susan Boyle Weeps As The Press Set About Destroying Her
July 30th, 2007 at 10:30 pm
her littoh borova izz hot
July 30th, 2007 at 10:28 pm
fuk sake peepo stop bein mean to jodi thi haf of yoos r probz more minky than her!!!!!
July 27th, 2007 at 7:33 am
The Star says Jodie Marsh’s show is a “Sham”. She’s been dating one Matt Peacock. “i am in love with his six-pack and big willy,” says Marsh. “He’s got a very big one.”
July 12th, 2007 at 10:24 am
[...] ‘Fat Niggers’ And ‘Pakis’ - Big Brother: Tracey Barnard’s Ye Olde Caravan And (Cromwell) Carrot - Taking Big Brother’s Jodie Marsh Up The Aisle - Anorak TV And Big [...]
June 24th, 2007 at 2:26 am
Jodie you muppet - most of our blokes have already been to your sodding auditions and you had no idea! Fool!
June 22nd, 2007 at 10:46 pm
I used to fancy her alot and then I saw her on Big Bro, let me say I have stopped fancying her. She seems nice in her looks but she is actually grot. Like real grot, the kind of girl that really fucks your head up. I don’t actually understand how people like her are allowed to walk the street.
Natural girls all the way.
Don’t get your tits out and don’t let your head get big.
Spurzeez
June 20th, 2007 at 1:19 pm
I love Jodie Marsh and i stalk her everywhere!! Last year we were friends but then she found out about my obbsessive compulsive disorder (which for all of u mushers means that i love her!!) I always slag her off at every opportunity but i secretly love her and sit outside her house for hours hoping to get a glimpse of her!!!
June 9th, 2007 at 5:59 pm
jodie disgusts me. she thinks marriage is like some sort of game. she walks out half naked and in all her interviews, its just grose. she constantly is slamming other celebrities, but look at her!!! i really dont like her after this marriage show she is doing. and i CERTAINLY WONT be watching it…(i bet no1 else will either)!!!
June 9th, 2007 at 4:50 pm
did you know she swings both ways?
was drunk in chinawhites in the toilet getting a bit up close and personal with her pretty friend!!! lol
not really that way inclined but i loved the show!
good on jodie!
annonymous
June 8th, 2007 at 11:47 pm
The allegation that I was the main reason for her “improving” her monstrosity of a konk is a complete fabrication. Since this was published on a brand of toilet paper known as Keeping It Real, anyone with any suspitions should have known it was not true - as is everything else written in that awful-biography. What a wasted life. Loser!
June 8th, 2007 at 11:28 pm
MUMMY HILTON AND MUMMY MARSH SOULMATES FOREVER!!!
We both have daughters that are famous for doing f**k all and whose occupations are slappers!
June 8th, 2007 at 8:01 pm
Jodie I though you wished you wus my bird? Mush luv babe. Will you be able to get your bottom teeth fixed with all the money you are going to make?
June 8th, 2007 at 7:58 pm
Who will take Jodie up the Aisle?? The truth IS out there.
June 8th, 2007 at 7:55 pm
Quote from JOdie xxx “I would appreciate it if you would come to my face …” did you mean I would appreciate it ifyou would come in my face?
Miaow!
June 8th, 2007 at 4:45 pm
The mind boggles, marry Jodie Marsh??? Not even in a nightmare.
The horror, the horror!
Still, no doubt the show will go on, she’ll marry the poor sap and he’ll immediately murder her in an insane rage at her general antics.
So some good will come of it after all!
June 8th, 2007 at 4:39 pm
I am so mad me I don’t sleep on sheets in hotels - I sleep on the towels! How crazy am I! And I don’t shake peoples hands either - ‘ave it!
*plays chopsticks*
June 8th, 2007 at 3:29 pm
Jodes luv, dont let them get you down. When this “wedding” is over you and me will be the most important couple in Brentwood and maybe the world. You still got the throne from the Closer shoot?
June 8th, 2007 at 2:20 pm
Jodie we would be worried if we came to your open auditions, not because of the crowds!! but we would worry that you might break your finger again and you will need the ring finger for the “wedding”
June 8th, 2007 at 2:09 pm
Come on Jodie, if that’s really you I DARE you to mention it in your blog. I mean, after all us Mushers are the only ones who read it. Or are you a coward as well as a bully and a fraud?!
June 8th, 2007 at 9:20 am
It’ll be difficult to attend an open audition Jodie, since the programmes been axed already. Seems like there’s hope for decent society yet.
June 8th, 2007 at 7:40 am
Jodie why would anyone want to audition when the groom, matt, has already been selected. this is just a charade and an ill conceived idea to promote you and get a wedding for free.
this is just a huge con and the sooner it is exposed the better.
June 8th, 2007 at 7:19 am
You’re quite right Jodie, we are vile and jellus and we all just want to BE you!
Apparently. *rolleyes*
June 7th, 2007 at 8:56 pm
I would appreciate it if you would come to my face and say these things like you immature jealous twats, how about come to my open audition n try it?!?!
May 29th, 2007 at 3:23 pm
We’re Jodie’s more intelligent friends who don’t actually dress like hookers when we go out, in fact we tend to wear jeans and jumpers which makes us look a bit weird next to some tart dressed up as a pack of sausages in a bow…but that’s alright cos when she’s not around we all slag her off behind her back saying how high maintentance and self obsessed she is. And she only likes hanging around cos we’re fat. Guttttttttttttted!!!
May 27th, 2007 at 3:36 pm
Jodie Mush was an essential element in restoring peace in the middle east. By offering her porno gurns and cheesy chips to brain dead insurgents, she alone has brought about a new era to a long running feud over who is Great Britains’ biggest ‘minger’. We now know it is you, Jodie.
May 27th, 2007 at 3:29 pm
If she’s the British version of me then how come she’s not in jail for this tacky event? This is worse than anything I’ve ever done! I’d much prefer Jodie as my cell mate than the woman who won Eurovision this month - who I’ve got! Why meeeee!
May 27th, 2007 at 6:47 am
FEAR NOT, FOR I AM WATCHING.
*cocks thunderbolt*
May 26th, 2007 at 11:37 pm
She won’t make it down the aisle if God is watching!
May 26th, 2007 at 11:05 pm
I STILL don’t understand why you people who claim to hate Jodie Mash so much feel the need to spend so much of your time talking about her, why do you bother saying anything at all if you dislike her so much?
What’s Jodie Mush??
May 26th, 2007 at 11:01 pm
I’d strongly advise the un-lucky groom to be against any bodily fluid exchanges. This lady’s got H********!!!