Taking Big Brother’s Jodie Marsh Up The Aisle
BEFORE JADE Goody and Shilpa Shetty, Jodie Marsh was the celebrity victim of bullying on Celebrity Big Brother.
Sadly, Marsh is no Shetty and comes blessed with all the grace, poise and hue of last night’s chicken tiki massala. Jodie’s post-Big Brother career has not gone from strength to strength.
Jodie has not been kissed by Richard Gere, as Shilpa famously has. In fact, Jodie would be happy to be kissed by anyone. As the front page headline reads: “Jodie Marsh: I want to marry a Daily Sport reader.”
Chances are considerably high that many readers of the Daily Sport, with its diet of Orlaith McAllister’s arse and adverts for porn, are either a) married; b) adolescents too young to get married; c) unable to understand the question.
But not to worry, because Jodie is coming to get you. Wearing a belt, a pelmet and a veil, Jodie announces her plan to find a man.
“I’ve decided to do something completely outrageous,” says Jodie. Is she going to have anal sex with Orlaith McAllister? “I’m desperate to settle down with the man of my dreams, so I’m launching a nationwide search to find a husband.”
Far be it from us to dabble in affairs of the heart, but we suggest Jodie lend her quest an international bent and head to places like Russia, China and all other lands where men would dearly love to marry a British girl.
“If you think you’ve got what I want in a man, I’d really love to meet you in person at my open auditions,” says Jodie.
As is the way of such things, the auditions will be filmed and form the central plank in MTV’s Totally Jodie Marsh: Who’ll Take Her Up The Aisle?”
What form the auditions will take is not outlined, but expect to see men tested for how quickly they can varnish Jodie and any one of a number of itchy diseases…
Update: Is that orange colour the result of penicillin?
Posted: 17th, May 2007 | In: Big Brother TV Comments (177) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink
Comments
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May 25th, 2007 at 4:09 pm
I hope that your intended is better with a pooper scooper than you are - those carpets are rank!!!!
May 25th, 2007 at 2:25 pm
And I thought our love was forever Jodie!
May 25th, 2007 at 2:13 pm
I’m made of stone and pump ice through her fatty, cholesterol coated veins!
May 25th, 2007 at 2:10 pm
My nose looks more real than hers! And I sound more of a woman!
May 25th, 2007 at 2:07 pm
Hello, I’m Jodie’s tummy. Apparantly, she paid £20,000 big ones for a full body make-over, all in preparation for this farce. However I seem to have been forgotten, and am looking my worst in those promotional pics! All of those Krispy Kreme donuts and chesse coated chips have left my once flat and ronseal brown surface all podgy and bulgy! Eeew!
May 25th, 2007 at 12:29 pm
Even we won’t stoop so low as to cover this wedding
May 24th, 2007 at 11:37 pm
Give me five minutes wiv er’ in the new Big Brovver ‘ouse! Then she’ll know what real bulling is! Cow!
May 24th, 2007 at 11:13 pm
I’ve finished in the jungle room now Jodie. You were right about those cupboards!! Filth as you’d say!!!
May 24th, 2007 at 5:07 pm
Let me out!
May 24th, 2007 at 4:56 pm
Go for it dudes - the things she can do with a webcam and mouse!!
You won’t be disappointed. (Can I still watch?)
May 24th, 2007 at 4:52 pm
These comments are unbelieveable. Jodie is lovely inside and out.
Lots of men would be proud and honoured to take her up the aisle and
this is apparant by the huge turnout at her recent auditions.
May 24th, 2007 at 4:45 pm
HAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHA LOSERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
May 24th, 2007 at 4:40 pm
This is just a stunt of the highest order to get back at me.
I agreed to marry her by the time she hit 30 because I wanted at job
at Scaffolders R Parge and this was stipulated in my Employment contract. To be honest, no job on earth is worth that type of sacrifice.
Thankfully my efforts at befriending mush prettier and younger girls down at Garys Gaff seem to have annoyed her and I am off the hook.
May 24th, 2007 at 4:38 pm
GREAT we need someone to hold ussss…
May 24th, 2007 at 4:18 pm
Dear Miss Marsh
We have noted that your use of the VIP Jacuzzi has coincided with the sudden occurence of rather strange brown sludge clogging up the outflow pipes. This has now been analysed and has been found to consist of the following:
25% San Tropez Fake Tan
25% FakeBake
15% fag ash
35% leathery skinflakes
We would respectfully request that you do not return to our premises. Evah.
We would respectfully request that you refrain from using this facility on your return.
May 24th, 2007 at 4:13 pm
I still have a willy and I am hereby applying. I will lead this who*e to culture.
May 24th, 2007 at 4:06 pm
Hi guys, Jodie here. If anyone knows the name of the pished bloke at the london audition, can someone tell me how to get in touch with him. He left his skiddy pants at mine and I already have some of those.
Cheers
Jodie
May 24th, 2007 at 4:03 pm
Where do I apply?
May 24th, 2007 at 4:00 pm
You’ve put my kids through college, cheers!
May 24th, 2007 at 3:56 pm
Please order a long dress?
May 24th, 2007 at 3:56 pm
I hereby announce our divorce. I am moving out tonight. Farewell.
May 24th, 2007 at 3:55 pm
There isn’t enough rum in the caribbean…………………….
May 24th, 2007 at 3:47 pm
*dies*
May 24th, 2007 at 3:45 pm
Jodes - I am sooooo looking forward to wearing the lovely bridesmaid costume. I hope you were successful in getting a size 20 pink tutu. I will supply the matching pink poncho.
Mush love.
May 24th, 2007 at 3:35 pm
Ello treacle. I am a gangstah. I am ‘ard. ‘arder than Phil Mitchell. Anyways.. fancy you and me and a bit of bumming again? I will tell you all about them guys I murdered. I know you laave itttt. Oops gotta run, soaking me knuckleducter in Fairy Liquid and don’t want it going green n all. xx Da one and only gangsta.
May 24th, 2007 at 3:29 pm
Hey you guys you don’t know who ya messing with - Jodie’s “connected” see. Mock at her your own peril…
May 24th, 2007 at 3:25 pm
The bed’s all made up dear, whenever you’re ready
May 24th, 2007 at 3:15 pm
For sale: Nokia 8210. Used. Content can be erased. Slightly damaged and vibrate function is broken. £15 + postage. Call Peasant Cnut on 12345. Adios.
May 24th, 2007 at 3:12 pm
Dear Miss Marsh
We are delighted to hear that you are getting married, unfortunately we are out of stock on the pony driven glass pumpkins but the good news is that we can provide you with a sparkly pink tutu for the Big Day. Please let us know when you have found your Mr Random and we will have him fitted for the Peter Andre white satin morning suit.
May 24th, 2007 at 3:09 pm
If I was fully grown and actually had pubes, I would beat you all up! FRIDAY HILL BIG UP! ESSEX SIDEEEEEEEEEE