Taking Big Brother’s Jodie Marsh Up The Aisle
BEFORE JADE Goody and Shilpa Shetty, Jodie Marsh was the celebrity victim of bullying on Celebrity Big Brother.
Sadly, Marsh is no Shetty and comes blessed with all the grace, poise and hue of last night’s chicken tiki massala. Jodie’s post-Big Brother career has not gone from strength to strength.
Jodie has not been kissed by Richard Gere, as Shilpa famously has. In fact, Jodie would be happy to be kissed by anyone. As the front page headline reads: “Jodie Marsh: I want to marry a Daily Sport reader.”
Chances are considerably high that many readers of the Daily Sport, with its diet of Orlaith McAllister’s arse and adverts for porn, are either a) married; b) adolescents too young to get married; c) unable to understand the question.
But not to worry, because Jodie is coming to get you. Wearing a belt, a pelmet and a veil, Jodie announces her plan to find a man.
“I’ve decided to do something completely outrageous,” says Jodie. Is she going to have anal sex with Orlaith McAllister? “I’m desperate to settle down with the man of my dreams, so I’m launching a nationwide search to find a husband.”
Far be it from us to dabble in affairs of the heart, but we suggest Jodie lend her quest an international bent and head to places like Russia, China and all other lands where men would dearly love to marry a British girl.
“If you think you’ve got what I want in a man, I’d really love to meet you in person at my open auditions,” says Jodie.
As is the way of such things, the auditions will be filmed and form the central plank in MTV’s Totally Jodie Marsh: Who’ll Take Her Up The Aisle?”
What form the auditions will take is not outlined, but expect to see men tested for how quickly they can varnish Jodie and any one of a number of itchy diseases…
Update: Is that orange colour the result of penicillin?
Posted: 17th, May 2007 | In: Big Brother TV Comments (177) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink
Comments
May 26th, 2007 at 10:23 pm
Join the debate:
http://www.anorak.co.uk/forums/
May 26th, 2007 at 3:30 pm
Alright. I was the guy she was looking for from the London auditions. I only went cause’ I thought it was Claudia Schiffer - I was drunk you know!! Boy did I skidadle my arse out of there when I found out. Sorry love, guess it’s just you and the guy who went in before me. Oh and I already have a wife by the way!
May 26th, 2007 at 11:59 am
Wooooooh! I’m back to haunt you Jodie!!!!
May 26th, 2007 at 9:23 am
gd fro yu Jodie fro ingornin them hataz. U is de best looking gal in da werld and them lot ar bababarmy.
May 26th, 2007 at 3:05 am
We can offer our services to the owners of the tour bus for a discounted fee.
May 26th, 2007 at 2:49 am
Brentwood Clap Clinic will be holding an open day where we will be distributing free industrial strength johnnies and Cif Oxy cleansing wipes for all those planning to attend the auditions.
May 26th, 2007 at 2:34 am
Please, Leave MS marsh alone…
It’s her generous use of our feminine hygiene products that has kept us in business. Without dirty minges we’d go under.
May 26th, 2007 at 2:27 am
Take Jodie Marsh up the aisle ?????
Listen buddy, I’ve taken all kinds of chicks up the goddam aisle and in all other orifices too but you couldn’t pay me enough to dip my wick in her stink-pot.
May 26th, 2007 at 1:21 am
Right. That’s it. I’m ringing my solicitor. I’m getting this site closed down. *sheds a lone tear*
May 26th, 2007 at 1:19 am
I will be in attendance on the big day. Hark my words!
May 26th, 2007 at 1:09 am
Now look here Our Mercedes, you may be rough but you aint THAT rough sister!!!111!
May 26th, 2007 at 1:07 am
Jodes, can I do you wig and facepaint on the big day? Why do you neva message me back on myspace? Don’t be a vile jellus bully.
May 26th, 2007 at 1:04 am
Can ladeez apply?
May 26th, 2007 at 12:57 am
It’s Friday
The week is over
It’s gettin’ colder
The weathers’ harsh (Weathers’ harsh)
Straw says Muslims
Take your veils off
We say get one
For Jodie Marsh!!
May 26th, 2007 at 12:50 am
Please will you buy a thick veil?
May 26th, 2007 at 12:50 am
Ya knaw, I samtimes look at myself in’t mirror, with me fake nasty orange tan like and gravelly voice and swear I’m tha soap opera parody of Jodaaay Marsh! Funny in’t et?! What’ju fink our Tee??
May 26th, 2007 at 12:44 am
Stop stamping on me!!! I’m hurt!!!!
May 26th, 2007 at 12:40 am
Two drinks and she thinks she’s Jodie Marsh!!!
May 25th, 2007 at 11:44 pm
Jodie Who???
May 25th, 2007 at 11:43 pm
She is skankier than ANY of my birds
May 25th, 2007 at 10:33 pm
Oh my God!!!! You guys are telling me! I had to take a restraining order out against her! She really is THAT scarey! And have you seen THAT tummy?! Gross! It’s like one of them yoghurts that you haven’t stirred yet!!! Oh my God!!!!
May 25th, 2007 at 10:31 pm
Oh Mr. Galloway! I’m blushing all over! You know I have a thing for powerful dick(!)tator type men with moustashes! Parge, you, Hitler etc! Let’s get together soon for one of my famous roasts! I’m not doing anything for the next 14 months until I feel like visiting my mother again!!!!
May 25th, 2007 at 10:29 pm
You are a vile, poncing little man George Galloway! Who are you to tell me what I should do?! You; Bullymore and Burns used me as an emotional punchbag in that hell hole of a house; I’m damn nearly lucky I wasn’t murdered and buried alive in the hills!! Now you bully me more by telling me you’d rather seduce my mother; MY MUMMY MARSH!; instead of me - The Human Viagra! You need help babe; seriously! Hi to Lauren, Vonnie and anyone else sticking up for me against these internet freaks pretending to be me! Mwah! Might blog when I give a damn! Comedy and all that sh**e!
May 25th, 2007 at 10:27 pm
George Galloway MP
Joday, ya shad ‘ave listened to t’advice me, Burrrrrrrns an’ Barrrrrrrrrymorrrre were givin’ ya on Big Brrrrother. Then maybe ya wouldn’t be in this pickle! I wouldn’t do ya, but took a likin’ to ya mother Margie at the reunion shoooow! How ’bout it Margie, you an’ mey for a fumble?!!
May 25th, 2007 at 8:49 pm
Hark my words, I will find my man!11111111!!!!
May 25th, 2007 at 8:47 pm
Don’t marry her unfortunate men. She ranks so bad that I can’t look at Fish fingers ever again.
She made my balls shrivel up and her tits are so saggy, she can use them as duster when her fit sexy eastern cleaner Carolina isnt around
May 25th, 2007 at 8:46 pm
I’m homeless, and even Jodie smells worse than me. I wouldn’t marry her, but would I for her vast fortune?
May 25th, 2007 at 8:45 pm
Yo! That skank said I asked her out. Let me tell you this, she stank and blinded me so bad I had to bleach my eyes for 6 months. She’ll be lucky to get a tramp off the street to marry her.
You skanky ho Jodie.
May 25th, 2007 at 8:43 pm
MAAAAAAAAN!!!! I’m blind, and not even I want to marry Jodie Marsh. I may not be able to see, but I can sense and tell she smells.
May 25th, 2007 at 8:34 pm
This thread is COMEDY!!!!;;;;;!!!!!