Big Brother Jodie Marsh’s Barnyard
BIG Brother evictee Jodie Marsh is telling sport readers:” Why I need sex FIVE times a day.”
At once we begin guessing why. Is it because:
A) It says ‘stir’ on the bottle of wood varnish Jodie dips herself in each morning and it’s easier finding a man than a stick?
B) Five times complies with tabloid law – ‘It should never be less and never be more’ (Halpern’s Law Section 32-26-32DD)?
C) She has nothing else to do?
The answer soon becomes apparent as Jodie tells us: “I crave lots and get frustrated when I don’t get it.”
Jodie might well be having sex as she talks with the Sport about her show Totally Jodie Marsh: Who Will Take Her Up The Aisle? in which dipsticks, sorry, men, audition to be her husband.
But before that, Jodie does as her fellow Big Brother evictee Orlaith McAllister did a few weeks back and tells us about her sexual pecadlios.
In no particular order, Jodie tell us about her “five-some in a barn”, “quite a few threesomes”, how she would like to have sex with Eminem and her dates with Calum Best.
“I’m so horny all the time,” says Jodie. “So pretty much everything turns me on.
Sometime I only have to look at myself in naked in the mirror, or I’ll be walking around in my knickers, and I’ll feel hot.”
A hot flush? Jodie’s pores blocked by that wood stain? Nothing of it. Jodie is in the full tangerine-glow of womanhood.
And when she’s not naked, she’s dressing up. She has a wardrobe full of outfits. “There is everything from a police woman to a pilot to a cow girl to a ballerina. You name it. I’ve got it.”
Chances are that if guaranteed Jodie some exposure, we could vote on which outfit we’d like Jodie to dress up as; something like a pantomime donkey, a crab or an outpatient at the school of tropical diseases.
And Jodie needs help. It is not uncommon for Jodie to leave the house dressed with a pair of crossed belts pulled over her naked chest, an orangey Emiliano Zapata bigger guns.
If jodies sonds like your idea woman, you can try out at being her ideal man. And answer the tie-breaker: “Complete this sentence: I want my relationship with my future wife to be…”
Extra marks awarded for using any of all of the words: hideous, orange, stained, deranged, dog hair, barnyard and Bin Laden…
Posted: 14th, June 2007 | In: Tabloids Comments (17) | TrackBack | Permalink
