Highway To Hell: Pope Issues Jade Goody With Road Code

JADE Goody has passed her driving test, says the Sun. And the Pope has issued his “POPE ROAD RAGE RULES”.

The Pope, whose customised meals-on-wheels van does a top speed of 5mp and can keep hot things hot and cold things cold, has been pontificating on matters of highway safety, for it is written.

The 58-page Vatican document, entitled Guidelines for Pastoral Care of the Road, is a guide to avoiding road rage. You should respect the rights of pedestrians. And in a twist on the catechism ‘mirror-signal-manoeuvre’ the driver should make the sign of the cross before setting off.

The Ten Commandments Of The Highway To Heaven (to be printed on tea towels, dashboards and bumper stickers):

1 You shall not kill

2 The road shall be for you a means of communion between people and not of mortal harm

3 Courtesy, uprightness and prudence will help you to deal with unforeseen events

4 Be charitable and help your neighbour in need, especially victims of accidents

5 Cars shall not be for you an expression of power and domination or an occasion for sin

6 Charitably convince the young and not-so-young not to drive when they are not in a fit condition

7 Support the families of accident victims

8 Bring guilty motorists and their victims together so they can experience forgiveness

9 On the road, protect the more vulnerable party

10 Feel responsible towards others

And hooting will only cause the Pope Mobile to go so much slower…

Amen (I brake for nuns).

Anorak

Posted: 20th, June 2007 | In: Back pages Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink