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Anorak | Parish Groups: Churchgoers Gives It The Full Nelson

Parish Groups: Churchgoers Gives It The Full Nelson

by | 30th, July 2007

janet-nelson.jpgJANET’S sexy dressing. That’s the advert. And here’s Janet Nelson dressed in a windcheater over black tights and rubber boots. She is stood in a muddy field.

To the untutored eye, Janet could be a resident of the Island of Tewkesbury, forced to flee her home with only what she could lay hands on.

But this is Janet’s fetish wear. The Mail says Janet and her husband Nick host an X-rated fetish website with 7,500 members. They also sit on the parochial council, organising fundraising events and have been photographed for the Church Times, a notorious publication not for impressionable minds.

Now see the Church jumble sale, the shoppers dressed in hearing-aid beige getting off on the homespun knits.

“This is a gentle site, no hardcore porn,” says Janet and Nick’s website. “All graphics, photographs and content are the property of Janet and Nick. If you don’t like seeing ladies in sexy poses with almost nothing on please leave now.”

Look again at the rain hat pulled seductively over dandelion hair-dos. See the draw strings on the anorak tied and tied in a double bow.

And feel the full wind of scandal as an unnamed parishioner happens upon this site and tells the vicar at St Mars’s Church in Ross-on-Wye Herefordshire.

He hears the news. He fingers his dog collar. He plays with the hem of his cassock. And the Rev John Hunnisett calls in the couple to explain their “double life”.

What they wear for this meeting is unrecorded. It’s for the best. Although we do learn that they are expelled from the parish groups. Their website is removed. They are cast into the darkness, possibly dressed in purple robes with a huge phallus-shaped mitre atop their heads.

But the Nelsons are welcome to worship at the church. Indeed, it is positively encouraged they do so. “If we only catered for saints our churches would be empty,” says a spokesman for Hereford Diocese.

“Fortunately, we also look after sinners, and are thus reasonably full during services… They are consenting adults and what they do in private is up to them.”

So why then have they been removed from these parish groups? Because the Church is no place for adults?

Or because Parish Groups is not like Yahoo Groups and makes no space for other forms of worship…



Posted: 30th, July 2007 | In: Tabloids Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink