Manchester United Go In Studs Up On Mother Nature

“MANCHESTER United aces get bigger spaces,” says the Sun.

This on top of the news that Michael Carrick, Man Yoo’s midfield stroller has spent £10,000 on getting his teeth fixed.

If Brand Carrick is to sell calendars, energy drinks and Comfi-Slax he needs to sort out his image. First the teeth, next the sack, crack and back, the skin tones and then the personal history, featuring bullying, substance abuse and reality TV.

But first the teeth. They will set Carrick on the path to fame. They will get him bigger smile. And a bigger car.

As the Sun reports, the epicentre of global warming is Manchester United’s Carrington training ground. So big are the players’ cars that the old-style parking spaces are being made larger.

The Sun makes mention of Wayne Rooney’s £70,000 Hummer H2, a massive vehicle that goes in studs up on Mother Nature, smashing a carbon footprint into her groin.

And the changing rooms are also being revamped to keep in step with the players’ demands, making room for their manbags.

Now the goalkeeper’s bag, the one he carries onto the pitch, contains MAC mineralize skinfinish (natural), Decleor Aromessence Rose D’Orient Oil (15ml) and Kanebo Sensai Ex La Lotion.

And spare teeth…

Anorak

Posted: 30th, July 2007 | In: Back pages Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink