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Great Whites Hunt The British

by | 6th, August 2007

shark.jpgTHE Great White shark hunt goes on.

Anyone who sees such a creature should contact the Sun’s shark hotline and Southern Water.

On the each in St Ives, Cornwall, the Sun is educating locals as to what to look for. Inflated Page 3 babes Peta and Sam are handing out 450 inflatable sharks. And 1,000 T-shirts, mostly wet.

The sharks are out there. And they are hunting down the British.

The Sun says British tourists have been warden to beware of a 10ft shark. Thought to be Great White, the beast has been spotted off the coast of Tarragona, Spain.

The suspicion is that these wily sharks are deliberately targeting we British. Raised on fables of flooded farms, drowned and plentiful livestock and children fatter than seal pups, the sharks are honing on Britishers home and abroad.

And they are getting ever closer. In the front-page news “I CAME FACE TO FACE WITH JAWS”.

The Star has pictures of “razor-toothed killing machine” washed up in front of “stunned” tourists. They are “stalking Spanish waters”.

And the Star’s man in a boat, Ian Burchell in Puerto Banus, a notorious venue for sharking middle-aged men, footballers and, naturally, sharks.

Ian ‘Fin-faced’ Burchell sees a fin. His feet turn to “lead”. He cannot speak. He can only point. He is returned to land and shows a photograph to an “expert” who confirms that it might well have been the fin of a Great White.

Britishers in Spain are aghast. Dad–of-two Mick Shaw calls it terrifying”. Rebecca Callaghan says it is “quieter than usual”. Victoria Bell says: “I’ve had nightmares about it and now it seems it is for real.”

The Star says there are fears more sharks could be making to the Mediterranean as the water temperature rises.

The Express (“Beach shut in new Great White scare”) sees the sands of Tarragona closed. Swimmers are in a state of “panic”.

Can we escape? The Star is offering hope. It’s offering readers the chance to save the many by sacrificing themselves.

The paper poses a question. Correct answers will go into the hat and the winner will be on a trip to South Africa for a live baiting in Shark Alley.

The question:
Where in Britain is it claimed that a Great White shark is lurking?

a) The coast of Cornwall
b) Gill-ford, Surrey.
c) Fins-bury Park, London

The answer: all of the above and more. The sharks are among us. Head for the high ground!



Posted: 6th, August 2007 | In: Tabloids Comments (5) | TrackBack | Permalink