An IC5 Cow: Nina Hobson Is Undercover Mum

INTRODUCING Nina Hobson, aka Undercover Mum.

Nina has a blonde bob, thin lips and a lantern jaw. She has a mission to check up on her children, your children and anyone who comes into contact with children.

Nina used to be a copper. But you never leave the job.

And she’s telling the Sun: “I’ve been involved in my fair share of murder investigations but I’ve turned up some even nastier facts filming for Undercover Mum.”

She goes on: “I can honestly say that nothing could have prepared me for what I found lurking in the food we buy for our children.”

Look again at those “fizzy feet”, kids. Sprinkle that sherbet over your Head And Shoulders. Say no to “carrot fingers”.

TV star Nina is in a JD Wetherspoon Pub. Rushing her dinner down to forensics, Nina of the Chard discovers traces of humped-back zebu in her steak.

She goes to a Hungry Horse eatery. The steak contains DNA from zebu. A zebu is not a horse. Nor a pig. A zebu is a cow!

Nina draws a chalk line around her plate, seals off the area with tape and calls in the scene of crime officers. EXPO SO13 Explosives Officers are summoned.

“Sometimes restaurant mangers would claim the ‘steak’ was 100 per cent British beef. Only when we took the food label to the lab for analysis did we discover to our horror that is was in fact from a zebu.”

And not a second generation British zebu. An IC5 Indian zebu, possibly female.

But Nina has no time to rest. As she tells us: “As my daughter approaches her teenage years, I am mindful that she will experiment with alcohol sooner or later and want to know what goes on away from the watchful eye of parents like me.”

The suggestion is that Nina will not drop it and hop it, leaving her copper’s daughter to enjoy the thrills of a night out by the bus shelter, but set up a surveillance operation disguised as a hoodie or screw-top bottle of hooch.

Knowledge is power. And when Nina confronts her daughter with the evidence, for the purposes of the tape, we will look on and see that a “cow” can come in many shapes and sizes…

Anorak

Posted: 21st, August 2007 | In: Tabloids Comments (5) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink