War Chests: Vladimir Putin V Keeley Hazell

EAT your heart out Jacqui Smith with your peek-a-boo décolletage. Vladimir Putin has the best chest in front-line politics.

Smith can blame the munchies for her lesser physique, so too Gordon Brown, a man famous for meeting in restaurants?

Brown could, naturally, respond to Putin’s machismo by ridding himself of that summer suit and securing his frame into a pair of budgie smugglers or vest and kilt. But the fear is that no amount of Spetsnaz training will whip the flab into shape.

And the alternatives to Brown are not altogether encouraging. Who believes David Cameron has anything but a waxy pigeon chest and a sticky-out navel covered in a light gingery fluff?

If Britain is to respond to Putin’s lean body-of-the-nation, she needs a champion. And with Ann Widdecombe otherwise engaged and David Miliband retired from tennis (“Come on, Tim!”), it is left to the Sun to answer the call to arms, back and breasts.

And here is our champion on the paper’s front page. “Our Keeley puts boot in to Putin!” trumpets the headline.

It’s the “COLD PHWOARR”.

Keeley Hazell’s bust of British will show Putin that we cannot be cowed by his HH-bomber and Arctic land grab.

Says Keeley: “They have a ruddy cheek spying on us from these monster planes. It’s just a pathetic signal that they are investing in their armed forces again. So what, our RAF heroes will see them off every time.”

Hurrah! Show us your warheads, Keeley…

Anorak

Posted: 23rd, August 2007 | In: Uncategorized Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink