Anorak News » Blog Archive » Ross Kemp’s Gangs: Cavernous Underpants And A Nine

Ross Kemp’s Gangs: Cavernous Underpants And A Nine

ROSS Kemp is still hard. Kemp, the estranged Mr Rebekah Wade, Sun editor, is the presenter of Sky TV’s Gangs.

And today Kemp’s been given two pages to say in his own words just how hard these gangs are.

“The Mask Man reached into his underpants and pulled out a Colt .45,” leers the headline.

That’s some weapon. Kemp is impressed. Hard not to be.

In his search for hard men, Ross has met rapists, murderers and assassins. He has found himself sharing a beer with a multiple murderer.

“In St. Louis, US, I met this very big, scary guy wearing a frightening plastic mask.”

Who is the masked man? And is he hard?

“Dark, angry eyes gleamed through elongated slits that curled up and back into a teardrop shape,” says Kemp. “He looked both sinister and surreal, a figure from a horror movie involving chainsaws.”

He has a chainsaw down his pants, as well. Now that is hard. It might even be stupid.

Kemp calls this masked man Mask Man. The man in the mask reaches into “cavernous underpants” and pulls out “my nine”.

Ross is impressed. He has seen all manner of hard men. But this is something else. Mask Man works the slide and chamber and “cocked” the hammer.

“Mask Man reached down into the vast and roomy reaches of his underpants yet again and this time drew out a round block of brown heroin about the size of a pub ashtray.”

Ross considers the lump. “I’m no expert,” he says, “but I suspect this was a real bargain.”

“Your nine’s your best friend, man,” says the Mask Man’s sidekick, known as Scarf Man, for reasons that need little explanation.

He says he has “bigger toys”.

Ross Kemp is hard.

Anorak

Posted: 18th, September 2007 | In: Sky Watch, TV & Radio, Tabloids Comments (8) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink

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lizzie =D says:
September 1st, 2008 at 9:32 pm

ross kemp is hard trust mii ii shud kno

Ross Kemp is a total wanker like Danny Dyer says:
October 27th, 2007 at 10:57 am

I was disgusted after watching Ross ‘the fantasy hardman’ Kemp sit down and talk in a friendly way with rapists, sex offenders etc , but was outraged at Polish football fans fighting without weapons (ref: Grozow, Poland) in fist fights - what is his logic ???

I am certainly not a Nazi, but an old Labour supporter (not since 97) but he stated that he could not understand with Polands history how anyone could be a Nazi ? - Doh maybe it because their country was pillaged and occupied for 40 years by the Communists, this has caused an explosion in right wing extremism.

…Ross is a pretend hardman - it shows that when there was a remote bit of trouble (ref Wisla v Cracovia - and protected by 500 armed police with guns - he was still dancing about like a big fairy, whose research is crap, delivery - crap …fortunately for him the topics are more interesting than the other crap on Sky.

Kind regards

Albert Hurwood says:
September 22nd, 2007 at 11:26 am

Crime in the UK is already out of control - we definitely don’t need this kind of rubbish being fed to kids!

paulette says:
September 19th, 2007 at 11:51 am

LOL. Was Ross ever hard around Rebekah? Doesn’t sound like it. (I hope she has as prenup.)

thunder lungs says:
September 18th, 2007 at 2:36 pm

For Gods sake man, don’t we have enough troubles with young uns growing up thinking that they are real gangsters, look at the news lately; kids are shooting kids, stabbings, beatings.

Rather than showing this so-called “informative” pulp and therefore giving the kids the idea that it is acceptable, why dont the news papers kick this crap in to touch; unfortunately we have no control over the satelite stations but surely it should be accepted as practice not to show crap that would insight the already dubious attitudes of the majority of kids in the UK, “they aint gangsters, they are impressionable children”.