Royal Family: The Key To Their Longevity Revealed

“COULD the waters of Balmoral be the key to royal longevity,” asks the Mail.

Monarchists to the quick, we have thought the Royal Family’s staying power a product of our support, well-padded chairs and the pickling properties of gin.

But might it be the water? Did the Queen Mother last so long because she chose to spruce up her morning livener with a dash of thread? Were it not for water would the Windors be living in Vienna, appearing exclusively in the pages on Hello! and at the Golden Rose of Montreux?

And this is not just any water. The mineral water that rises from a spring on the edge of the Balmoral estate has been tested.

And it is the very elixir of life. The spring water is shown to ease the affects of arthritis (moreover the Queen’s secretary who signs letters on Her behalf and Andrew’s putter polisher) and protects against “fee radicals” and other republicans.

And you can buy it. The paper says the waters are sold to the masses as Deeside Natural Mineral water, under the auspices of Prince Charles’ Duchy Originals brand.

But you might need to buy a lot of it. As reported, the water has been shown to increase the number of “microscopically small passes”, said to be “key” to the nourishment of the outer lawyer of skin.

When bathed in, the water increased this outer skin lawyer by a fifth.

Asses milk sales are sure to plummet as Britain goes bonkers for water.

But we must tread with caution. As the Royal Family shows, the water is good for skin, but you should avoid washing your teeth in it…

Anorak

Posted: 18th, September 2007 | In: Royal Family Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink