News Feed: The Obese Will Rely On The Slim Freaks

NO small controversy on the Mail’s foremost page where the news is split between “OBESITY: DEADLIER THAN SMOKING” and the sensation that Kate McCann feels persecuted for being slim.

To begin with the fat, readers learn that while smoking “reduces life by an average of ten years” being really fat cuts life expectancy by 13 years. The impact of drinking and smoking in tandem is unclear but as Virginia Slim told us: “You’ve come a long way baby.”

The Mail has seen the results of the Foresight report, written by “250 leading scientists”. And the conclusion is that there is an “obesity crisis”. At current rates of weight gain, by 2050, 60 per cent of women and 50 per cent of men will be clinically obese. They will be the norm.

And the likes of Kate McCann, Victoria Beckham and other slim minorities will be hounded out of their homes and forced to do the obese ones’ bidding, or live a feral existence.

As the Sun reports, we will become a nation of “ELEPHANT MEN”. The paper’s Jane Moore (weight on application) says “half the population will be dangerously fat by 2050”. The Department of Health says “modern life was geared towards helping us GAIN weight”.

So lazy are we that, as the Guardian reports, “Date for halting childhood obesity slips back 10 years”. The Government had legislated for less fatness by 2010, but what with the weather and the telly and the sofa, things are delayed. And now we’re looking at 2020. We’ll start the diet then.

The journey will be hard, a combination of combating modern technology and not eating so much fat. The Sun reads the report and finds call “for changing transport systems in every city to get people walking more”.

In London this is called the ‘Tube Strike’. In the rest of the country it is called ‘Emergency Engineering Works’.

If the fat can’t get the train and the bus, and are unable to afford to run the car, they will have to walk, or stay in and get home delivery. As the Sun says, “many will be unable to work or even walk down the street”.

And we once more look to the thin, whose lot it will be to do the work of two fat men and so bring down the average size and keep the country moving…

Anorak

Posted: 17th, October 2007 | In: Food & Fat Comments (4) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink