Perez Hilton: Show Me Your Celebrity Porn And…
THE Perez Hilton blog features the image of a celebrity’s penis. “You can Photoshop it all you want, honey. We know you have a puny peen!” says the “influential” blogger.
(Journalists like to think of Perez Hilton as being “influential” because the word helps them justify browsing the web for stories.)
But Perez will not last. It is the Ninth Rule of Tabloid Journalism that no mention of a celebrity’s penis should ever be made by a hack. If the question must be asked, it has to be treated with tact and schoolboy humour, such as “Is he long in the shower?” or referring to his swimming trunks as “Budgie Smugglers”.
The celebrity’s former wife or lover can say whatever they choose of their man but in doing so they run the risk of being made to look even smaller, or overly big. Both are best avoided.
Ingrid Tarrant, spurned wife to TV host Chris Tarrant, told the press that her husband suffered from “erectile dysfunction” and needed Viagra when he was with her in bed. We made our own conclusions.
And model Heidi Klum recently regaled Oprah Winfrey with a story of how she first clapped eyes on Seal: “I met him in a hotel lobby in New York City and he came in just from the gym and I was sitting there and I was, like, wow. And I pretty much saw everything. The whole package.”
No enlargement on the matter is required. Unless you are a celebrity blogger, in which case you should point and laugh and show the celebrity’s penis to the world.
And hope that one day when you have achieved your mission and become as famous as they on whom you feed, your sticky fingered Priapism doesn’t come back to bite you on the bum…
Posted: 28th, November 2007 | In: Celebrities Comment (1) | TrackBack | Permalink
