Mr John Darwin Panels His Canoe Back To 2002 And All That
“WHERE WAS I FOR 5 YEARS?” asks the Sun’s front-page headline, words hung alongside a picture of Spice Girl Geri Halliwell.
The news story is not of the Spice Girl’s whereabouts, rather of one John Darwin who was thought to have drowned off the coast of Cleveland in 2002 after a canoeing accident.
Say police: “He can’t remember anything about what happened to him. “I think I’m a missing person,” says Mr Darwin as he walks into police station.
The Sun says that at the time of his disappearance, Mr Darwin had run up “huge debts”. It is not known if his life was insured. Or if his wife – who moved to Panama six weeks ago – ever claimed on his death.
“She left the house full of furniture. She left everything. It took them 15 skips to get the rubbish out,” says a former neighbour.
The Times “understands” that Mrs Darwin has “hundreds of thousands of pounds” in a Panamanian bank account.
“My memory’s gone, claims canoeist lost for five years,” says the Express. “Five lost years of the missing canoeist,” says the Mail’s front page. He is the Mirror’s “MR MYSTERY”.
Where has Mr Darwin been? And is there a chance he still thinks it is March 2002?
In which case who will tell him that the Queen Mother has passed away, and that Geri Halliwell is back?
Posted: 4th, December 2007 | In: Strange But True Comments (12) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink
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December 8th, 2007 at 1:39 pm
You Britts are great fun, all we have here in the States are Female Teachers screwing their Elementary grade students ( in canoe at times perhaps ) boring stuff. Please carry on.
December 5th, 2007 at 5:40 pm
Andrew - Fact! And another fact!
Bernard - the missing person double story has legs…
December 5th, 2007 at 3:02 pm
He did it for the money. As soon as his missus had sold the house (after collecting the life insurance) he just wanted to close the police file on him, so he could walk free. If he was really working/living somewhere for 5 years, lots of people will recognise him, but that will not happen.
BTW, up yours, Bernard.
December 5th, 2007 at 12:34 pm
Thanks, Bernard. Here’s my post.
December 5th, 2007 at 11:34 am
CHECK OUT IF HE IS NOT A GHOST.
December 5th, 2007 at 10:58 am
My apologies. I hadn’t realised it was a satire site. I used to be a moderator. I guess old habits die hard.
Please carry on posting.
December 5th, 2007 at 10:17 am
Hadn’t heard that Lyn, I must switch the news on……….
How about it was a scam between the two of them but then she found someone else and legged it with the money so he ‘came back from the dead’ ??
December 5th, 2007 at 10:00 am
The canoeist has been arrested! His wife will meet with him!!
December 5th, 2007 at 9:35 am
Oh Bernard… you party pooper you! and there’s me thinking this is a satire site that just loves conspiracy theories!
Oh well, I shall continue to post as and when my imagination is activated. Sorry Bernard!
December 5th, 2007 at 9:24 am
Yeah, yeah, yeah. As usual we get all the conspiracy theory people crawling out of the woodwork.
Fact. It is possible to lose one’s memory for many years.
Fact. He was in a canoe that struck some rocks.
Fact. My guess is this man struck his head in the water that night and has been confused ever since about his identity.
I understand there is a picture of him taken a year ago with his wife. This may be a photoshop job. Clearly if he has forgotten who he is for all these years he wouldn’t have contacted his wife.
Another possibility is that his wife is pictured with a man who looks like him. She is probably attracted to that kind of man.
There’s no reason to believe there is anything sinister in any of this. But that won’t stop the conspiracists.
Let’s stop the speculation now. The man was presumed dead and is alive. That is cause for celebration not slander. I say we end this thread here.
END OF THREAD. NO MORE POSTS, PLEASE.
—————————-
Mods and Admin
And who gave you the right to end the thread?
Carry on posting people
December 5th, 2007 at 6:51 am
Never trust a caoniest…
December 4th, 2007 at 5:53 pm
IMO OF COURSE!!
His wife had someone else in her life and surreptitiously holed his canoe and sedated him very slightly before he went out so that he would drown…. but he survived although he genuinely lost his memory and has been leading another life somewhere with someone he met after he got out of the water and lived rough for a while.
His wife had him declared dead (becuase she was sure he was), collected the insurance money and lived happy ever after. or so she thought. AHA.
One day, out shopping, she bumped into him OMG and panicked. She sold up cleared out the accounts and headed for Panama…. they can’t get her back from there.
Although his memory didn’t return the accidental meeting triggered something in his brain and he went to the police.
The new woman in his life will recognise him from the newspapers but won’t come forward because she is doesn’t want to be invovled with the police. (!!!)
Etc etc etc etc etc
How about it? or, as a writer, have I just mapped out a fantasy plotline? (work displacement activity) actually I quite like it, may have to use it with the names changed of course………….