Anorak | Farting Is Banned In American School

Farting Is Banned In American School

by | 5th, February 2008

farting-anorak.jpgFOLLOW your nose to Camden-Rockport Middle School, USA, as featured in the pages of the Knox County Times, and pointed to by the great Glenn Reynolds.

School eighth-grade boys are taking farting to new heights and making a game of seeing “who can expel the loudest and grossest flatus”.

The rule is now that “intentional farting” earns the culprit a detention.

“Strange, but true, thanks to a bunch of 8th grade boys, intentional farting has been banned from CRMS,” says the school’s newsletter. “It started out as a funny joke and eventually turned into a game. This is the first rule at CRMS that prevents the use of natural bodily functions. The penalty for intentional farting is a detention, so keep it to yourself!”

Witnesses are assembled to talk of the farting. “They would do it in science class and other places,” says one Jordan Tyler. “It’s a natural occurrence and we all do it 16 times a day.”

Graduation Day

Sixteen times a day sounds like a lot. But farting is something the boys should graduate from. Adults rarely like to be blamed for farting, and find it is something best denied, or better yet passed over and ignored.

“He who denied it, supplied”, “Smelt it dealt it” and the reply “He who made the rhyme, made the crime”, are all phrases born of the anti-farting camp.

If the young scholars want a new theme, the Anorak recalls the effectiveness of humming softly in class via the mouth, or else, and this is a favourite, moving desks forward when the teacher’s back is turned.

Old Anorakians will recall the teacher Mir ‘Piggy’ Brown, who took exception to stepping over bags. Brown would wander around the class while tripping through history. Students would pass the time pushing bags into gaps between tables and so trapping Piggy in as small an area as possible.

Piggy has some kind of metal breakdown. We take no pleasure in it. Children can be cruel.

The student of (hyphenated) Camden-Rockport Middle School should think on…

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A Ringside Seat For Fart Man

Posted: 5th, February 2008 | In: Reviews Comments (6) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink