Ann Widdecombe Is No Fan Of Lolita

ANN Widdecombe, who gives Express readers her views on stuff and nonsense, considers the Lolita range of furniture.

“Apparently,” begins Ann, with an insouciance that belies her brittle demeanour, “when some parents complained at a store advertising a range of children’s bedroom furniture under the brand name Lolita, nobody at Woolies understood what was wrong with such a crass notion.”

Readers expect Widdecombe to rail against the education system that fails to teach furniture designers and shop assistants to be prejudiced against a name that does very well for many Lolitas, including Lolita Quintero (Mask Of Zorro), Lolita Roughage (Dentist on The Job), Lolita Davidovich (Actress, Gods and Monsters) and many more Lolitas.

Ann Expects 

But Widdecombe is in understanding mood. “I would not expect the average counter assistant to be able to name the author of that famous book,” says Ann.

Whether the average counter assistant, or shop girl, as Widdecombe must surely call this doltish breed, expects a virginity-intact dolly dyed, Celebrity Fat Club star emeritus and Tory MP to know which footballer Danielle Lloyd is romancing, how to feed a family and in which aisle the Silly Putty is remains a moot point.

“I would however,” says Ann, “expect someone in the management to have at least heard of Lolita. Not to have done so is a bit like saying you have never heard of Darcy or Black Beauty” - a unit of permeability, named after Henry Darcy, and the name of a tuxedo-styled Gibson Les Paul guitar, respectively.*

Ann concludes: “If only she had been called Posh or Kylie or Britney. No need to check them on Wikipedia.”

Indeed, much more wholesome to name kiddies’ beds after a stick insect, a middle-aged singer with the body of an adolescent and a woman famous for dressing up as a schoolgirl…

* Like the boss at the Lolita shop, we too do our research on Wikipedia

Anorak

Posted: 6th, February 2008 | In: Politicians, Tabloids Comments (3) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink