Anorak | The Manilow Method Blows Away The Youthful Mosquito

The Manilow Method Blows Away The Youthful Mosquito

by | 13th, February 2008

manilow.jpgDUM-dum-dum-bleep-bleep. Hey what’s that sound, kids?

A new song by far out Alvin Stardust?

No, it the Mosquito, a device that emits s sound detectable only to the ear of persons below the age of 20. It’s used to repel the toughs from shopping malls and street corners. But now the Children’s Commissioner for England, one Professor Al Aynsley-Green, says the device is “demonising” young people.

Says a voice for the Children’s Trust: “These devices are indiscriminate and target all young people, including babies.” Sami Chakrabarti tells the Mail that it’s a “sonic weapon directed against young people”.

But there is an alternative. No, not to place huge video screens on wasteland and over ravines so attract youth toward them – they really will watch anything so long as it’s on a screen.

The plan, as the Express notes, is to blast Barry Manilow out over loud speakers. Not the real Manilow, rather his music. This will “drive young rowdies away from street corners”.

Richard Stokoe, a spokesman for the Local Government Association, says the Manilow Method could work. It sounds like something the North Koreans would use to increase procreation rates. But in the UK one blast of Mandy is enough to see the nippers off.

Of course, the problem, is that the youth can move away, but the shopkeeper cannot, Mr Sherbet Lemons forced to listen to Mandy and Copacabana on loop morning, noon and night. Madness beckons.

On a brighter note, the ruffians will associate Manilow with rebellion and the singer will see a new audience for his work…

Posted: 13th, February 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink