Sun Readers Are Given The Death Penalty
GRIM news for Sun readers.
In place of the usual reports on The Wheelbarrow being this year’s Missionary and the Great British Chip, a death sentence.
Black Cap on. And the sentence: “You will be taken hence to a place of lawful execution and there hanged by the neck until you are dead.”
The likelihood of this decimating the paper’s readership is high, but it is what “99%” of “YOU WANT” and must be made so. The Sun was ever the populist newspaper.
Before you go, Amy D, from Widnes, would like to remove her bra and tell you that: “There are so many terrible people walking the street (see here), that there has to be a stronger deterrent. They should be locked away forever.”
Amy appeals for clemency. And she makes a convincing argument. And if she can dress as a 1950s Sunday School teacher, the judge may yet be swayed.
But death it is. If the UK is to be made clean 99% of Sun readers will have to die. It is the only way. It is what YOU want.
It is what Helen Newlove wants. She’s the widow of Garry Newlove who was murdered by “swaggering killers”.
It’s what Richard Taylor, father to murdered 10-year-old Damiola Taylor, wants.
It’s what Linda Bowman, mother to murdered daughter Sally Anne Bowman, wants.
It’s not what Sara Payne wants, mother of murdered schoolgirl Sarah.
Which makes it one in four against. That’s 75 per cent. But fromer Home Office minister Anne Widdecombe wants it, and so too does Shadow Home Secretary David Davis.
Michael Portillo, a former Tory minister, says “I’d go for the gas mask”. But the sentenced to death rarely have a choice.
But it is too late. You will be taken from this place and killed by the state. And if you can take out a few Al Qaeda operatives on your way out, so much the more penitent.
May God have mercy on your soul…
Posted: 25th, February 2008 | In: Politicians, Tabloids Comments (3) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink
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February 25th, 2008 at 11:45 am
re: the above ‘killed to death’… you can’t get deader than that!
It should have read ‘kicked to death’.
February 25th, 2008 at 11:44 am
A bit heavyweight for the ’super soaraway…’ isn’t it?
Will it act as a deterrnet to people considering bloody murder? Probably not. I can’t see the pondlife that killed Mr Newlove to death stopping mid-kick to consider what would happen to them if they got caught.
Will it give the public (including those beyond ’sun’ readership) a sense of revenge, and knowing that justice has been done? Almost certainly. Until a belated miscarriage case crops up….
Will it make juries more likely to acquit? Almost certainly. Having recently sat on a jury in a rape case (a bit of a no-brainer as it happened…) I must say that I wouldn’t fancy the added responsibility of delivering my judgement on the accused with the knowledge that I could be signing a death warrant.
Will we be allowed to do it under European law? No. So why are we discussing it?
Will headlining it sell newspapers now that the McCann saga is struggling to be recycled ad infinitum? Too bloody right it will!
February 25th, 2008 at 9:35 am
I firmly agree too many brainless [expletive deleted] in the UK are influenced by that loo paper called The Sun. Think kids need education from a young age of what paper to read, but then I often think that most people who read the Sun are actually from Essex and Maidstone
dr:25.02:11.48