Anorak | Call The Police Cones Hotline

Call The Police Cones Hotline

by | 3rd, March 2008

flintoff-drinking.jpgCOPS are on the hunt for Masum Ahmed.

Two traffic cones have gone missing from Burnham, Bucks. Ahmed is in the frame.

In Anorak’s experience, detection should not be too tricky, even for the police. A cone is often used as a makeshift hat, an oversized nose or, in moments of drink-fuelled high jinx, a massive phallus. And ultimately a receptacle for vomit.

Says Mr Ahmed: “I took two cones as a practical joke as we have problems parking but I didn’t think it would go this far.”

Police have arrived at Mr Ahmed’s home. They are searching his house.

They are searching his car. More officers arrive. He is arrested. He is held in a cell for four hours. His DNA is taken. He is cautioned. He is awarded an £80 fine.

The Sun says it is all to do with targets: “COPS CONE MAD. It’s all to hit targets.” No, not Asian targets – ho-ho – rather crime detection targets. Whatever the crime, a solved one scores one point.

Forget the murder. Get the parking cones. It’s a gateway crime…

Pic: The Spine 

Posted: 3rd, March 2008 | In: Strange But True, Tabloids Comment (1) | TrackBack | Permalink