Sienna Miller Pipes Rhys Ifans Aboard

“THERE SHE BLOWS,” toots the Star’s front-page headline, looking on as Sienna Miller pipes Rhys Ifans aboard a boat.

This may be part of Miller’s new diet. There may even be a workout DVD in the pipeline.

Says the Mirror: “Happy and relaxed, Sienna Miller frolics in the sea and snogs boyfriend Rhys Ifans on holiday in Mexico.” The paper notes that the pair “cuddled”.

The Mirror is a family newspaper, ignoring the X-rated, sticking to the more family-focused lead news of racing from Cheltenham and “SUICIDE COP’S SECRET LOVERS”.

The Sun just stares. “Didn’t think I’d ever be Sienna bum,” says the paper’s Gordon Smart, who has now lived the dream.

He then shows his readers a letter signed by Rhys Ifans.

It’s lovely isn’t it. Sienna’s got lovely valleys, she has. Not a bad bum either.

A lot of fellas are saying how can a fat bloke like me pull Sienna. Very ’arsh. That don’t makes no sense. I’m a sex machine me – just look at that six-pack.

I reckon she’s fair game, she is. When she’s finished her John Grisham book I’m going to tries and snog ’er – you knows what I’m saying.

That detail on the Grisham book makes us wonder if this might be Smart’s stab at parody. But then we see the pictures and see the John Grisham book lying by Ifans’ side.

Could that letter really be from Rhys Ifans? In the context of Gordon’s Smart’s column, it would make more sense if it were. Because if you believe it is all true, you can believe someone like Smart exists.

And that the Sun has bothered to make him up…

Anorak

Posted: 13th, March 2008 | In: Celebrities, Sienna Miller, Tabloids Comment | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink