Anorak | What Does Patrick Swayze Fear Most?

What Does Patrick Swayze Fear Most?

by | 14th, March 2008

swayze-now-kurt.pngPATRICK Swayze has cancer. The Mirror shows its readers a picture of Swayze smoking a cigarette. “SO SAD SWAYZE,” says the headline.

In the list of things to fear, cancer is right up there. A poll of the Anorak typing poll revels the things we’ fear most:

5. Burning
4. Being trapped inside an unbreakable greenhouse with only the collected works of Paul Burrell for company
3. Being trapped inside an unbreakable greenhouse with Paul Burrell for company
2. Cancer
1. Losing all facial features in a collision with Anthea Turner’s flymo

But Anthea Turner’s lawn is not in its summer bloom. So Swayze it is. Says the Mirror: “Cig in mouth, the Dirty Dancing heart-throb is ravaged by cancer.”

Swayze is “DANCING WITH DEATH”. His partner is Big C.

The Mirror says he looks “gaunt”, “haggard” and “thin”. To prove it, the image of Swayze now is placed alongside a picture of Swayze in 1989.

Swayze is 55. How cancer has changed him. He looks somehow older.
“What a forlorn figure Patrick Swayze cuts,” says Dr Miriam Stoppard, professor of bodyology. “A third of pancreatic cancer cases are directly related to smoking. So why is he still lighting up?”

“Perhaps his smoking is an act of defiance?” says Doctor of Guessology. “Perhaps he just does not care?” says Dr Miriam, professor of Ifology.

Perhaps it is because when you already have pancreatic cancer you get your pleasures where you can, and smoking requires so little effort that even the terminally ill can do it?

Which brings us back to the list of things we fear most.

At No.6: “Dr Miriam Stoppard sucking suggestively on a pencil…”

Posted: 14th, March 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids Comments (31) | TrackBack | Permalink