Bianca Reports On Paul Gazza Gascoigne’s Death
PAUL Gascoigne is “DEAD”.
It’s the Star’s front-page news.
And while the businessmen at White Hart Lane and St James’s Park set about creating their Gascoigne Bars and lauding the hero with commemorative shirts, cocktails and compilation DVDs, the tributes are flooding in.
Here are some entries in Anorak’s Book of Condolences:
King Harald V of Norway: We the people of Norway would like to thank Gascoigne for teaching us how to say “Fuck off”. It has proven most useful on trips to the UK and I myself have used on many occasions.
Colin Hendry: “When Gascoigne flicked the ball over my head in Euro ‘96 and scored for the bastard English little did I dream that his action would lead to me becoming the face of the Clydebank Ice-O-Rama and the body of Strachan’s Chest Freezers.
And now Bianca Gascoigne pays tribute, the reality TV starlet finally able to says that she is every bit as talented as her step-father.
In “GAZZA DEAD AND GONE FOR GOOD - BIANCA REVEALS TRAGIC TRUTH” Bianca says: ““My dad is seriously ill and it is something we are powerless to help with. We pray that he will overcome his troubles.”
Ill? Not dead. It turns out that it is not Gascoigne the man who is deceased but Gazza the plastic breasted loon, who filled mince pies with cat excrement and fed them to two of his friends, who burped at Italy, who smashed his wife in the face.
Says a “pal”: “It’s a tragedy that the old wise-cracking Gazza is no more.”
Or not…
Posted: 8th, May 2008 | In: Back pages, Tabloids, Wags & Players Comments (15) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink
Comments
January 5th, 2009 at 11:23 pm
After watchin the gazza documentry all I can say he’s a tosser for treating his family like that the sooner he kicks the bucket the better shame for the kids
September 25th, 2008 at 2:25 pm
Well, you could try reading what has been written.
It does make it clear that the article, commenting on a newspaper article in the Star, was written back on the 8th May.
And that as far as we know, Paul Gascoigne is not dead.
September 25th, 2008 at 2:15 pm
The question was about gazza not me .Have you any information about him.
September 25th, 2008 at 1:42 pm
I can not believe someone would say this without any proof.It made discussion in all the geordie households thats something it got everyone talking.How sad .
m and A
There is absolutely no foundation, we are a news discusion site and it was in the ‘news’.
You share a name with my dog groomer btw
September 25th, 2008 at 9:25 am
msg for ftm geordies thick i see you never said where you were from u inconsiderate little prick
September 25th, 2008 at 6:05 am
RUMOURS Paul Gascoigne had been found dead last night have led to Northumbria police taking the unusual step of saying they believe nothing has happened to him.
The former England and Newcastle United footballer has headlined over recent months following various incidents and many have been concerned for his well-being.
Newsdesks at Northern England morning newspapers were swamped with calls last night claiming Gazza had been found dead in a local hotel.
The Marriott Hotel, close to the MetroCentre in Gateshead was named at the death scene. Hotel staff are making a forceful denial, saying Gazza had neither been found dead, nor even a recent guest. Alive or dead.
A pretty safe bet for those up to this sort of on-line betting would be if Gazza is in the company of his old mate Jimmy Five Bellies they are both likely to be dead…drunk.
Sad but true.
Gazza Death Rumour
September 25th, 2008 at 5:51 am
Sorry to say people because this report is quite ironic although this particular report is disscusing the demise of Gazza the great footballer and fun loving prankster. It was reported that Gazza was found dead in a hotel room. late last night from a suspected overdose although police have yet to confirm this and the news has yet to report it Sky news has been informed of this tragic event and are putting together a biograph of Englands greatest ever footballing talent what a sad term of events R.I.P Gazza the footballing God!!!!!!!!!!!!
September 25th, 2008 at 1:21 am
I hope he is,another THICK GEORDIE gone! FTM
September 25th, 2008 at 12:42 am
Got a bit worried there when I saw the title of the post, was a footballing hero of mine when I was growing up
September 25th, 2008 at 12:16 am
he was spotted at newcastle airport this afternoon. by me. for fucks sake man, stop acting like a bunch of rubber neckers at an M25 crash and get on with your fucking life.
September 25th, 2008 at 12:03 am
USE YOUR BRAINS
Posted in May 2008
Idiots
September 24th, 2008 at 11:44 pm
I’ve been to the Newcastle v Spurs match with my Daughter a treat for my birthday…
She just phoned me to tell me Gazza is dead.
For all his faults I was genuinely touched and sorry…
However, I turn on sky sports and no mention of it???
If this is a joke, its a dam disgrace and its sick you obviously have not got a clue what you have done, you morons!!!…
Tony Alderson… 24 September 2008…
—–
M&A
Artemis
The Anorak article clearly refers to a newspaper article published some time ago, and equally clearly states that Paul Gascoigne is not dead.
I have spent the entire evening pointing out to people that there is no reason to believe that Paul Gascoigne is dead.
You can’t see those posts because they are in moderation, just as your post is.
But clearly as far as you are concerned I have been wasting my time.
September 24th, 2008 at 9:39 pm
He isn’t dead, they’re saying that he has two personalities. One during his football days (the wise cracking Gazza who we all loved and admired) and Paul Gascoigne (the alcoholic trying to break into bars with his own house keys). They’re saying the Gazza personality is dead, but Paul Gascoigne is still alive and kicking.
September 24th, 2008 at 8:15 pm
so is paul gascoigne really dead or not i dont really understand?
September 24th, 2008 at 6:07 pm
Its finally true