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Anorak | Niqab, Kebab And Stab: Welcome To Dewsbury Theme Park

Niqab, Kebab And Stab: Welcome To Dewsbury Theme Park

by | 28th, May 2008

dewsbury.jpgWHO dares go to Dewsbury?

Don’t rush to make a decision. When Shannon Matthews was found, and her family members arrested, police handed out leaflets telling locals not to “jump to any conclusions about people who may be involved in this inquiry”.

As if anyone would do that. Don’t be hasty. Listen to the travel advice.

The Times would like to tell you in “Dewsbury: Kidnap, lynching and a suicide” that “The savage beating to death of a 17-year-old boy was merely the latest in a grim litany of incidents in this West Yorkshire town.”

Know that: “It is fast becoming the town that dare not speak its name.”

Andrew Norfolk dares to go to (place hand over mouth) Dwsbrrryyy. “A steady rain fell on Dewsbury yesterday morning, but it would take a biblical flood to wash away the stains that discolour this once-proud Yorkshire mill town.”

Lots of animals in Dewsbury, many of them in human form, but you’d be hard pressed to find two worth saving and placing on a breeding programme to repopulate the drowned town with Noah Dewsbury.

The Dewsbury guide book says that Amar Aslam has been murdered. He was “a quiet, shy boy”, and so, one would suppose an oddity in Dewsbury.

The guide goes on to say of Dewsbury: “A kidnapped schoolgirl, a suicide bomber, the attempted lynching of a boy aged 5, the teaching assistant who refused to remove her veil, a record BNP vote . . . from Shannon Matthews to Mohammad Sidique Khan, Dewsbury was home to them all.”

Hijab, niqab, kebab and stab – Dewsbury has the lot.

But isn’t this Dewsbury, where Shannon Matthews went missing and Norfolk told us: “In Dewsbury, locals scraped together the funds to print extra copies of the small posters distributed by the police. They took them in bundles to neighbouring towns and handed them out to passers-by.”

But whatever Dewsbury does is for nought. It is the sink of all humanity. The town should be surrounded by high glass walls and we be invited to watch live or else via a live 24 hour show, with a teatime highlights package fronted by Richard & Judy.

This way the respectable middle classes get gawp at the mentally negligible, devious, murderous inhabitants and feel better about themselves…



Posted: 28th, May 2008 | In: Broadsheets Comments (6) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink