War On Terror: Taliban Kill Biscuit Eaters
“WE’LL kill those who eat biscuits,” proclaim the Taliban. The Sun illustrates the threat with a picture of a brandished custard cream.
Sun readers clutching their morning cuppas might close the curtains. Workers keen to exact terrible revenge on colleagues should offer Clive in accounts a bourbon. Is that really Gordon Brown with a Jammy Dodger or photoshop trickery by Labour’s web team designed to place the leader in hiding?
From the front line in Afghanistan, the paper reports: “The insurgents say they will string up locals who take so much as a custard cream from Our Boys, who hand out treats in friendship.”
The message from a Taliban fighter in Helmand province warns: “Nobody is allowed to go into the infidels’ quarters for their pathetic biscuits… The day that anyone gets caught will be the last day of their life.”
We wonder if the Taliban commander has something against biscuits, having once chipped a tooth on a Hob Nob, or if the Abbey Crunch is tantamount to Christian missionary work?
The ruling opens up a hotbed of controversy, especially if Our Boys take to doling out tea cakes, which are neither wholly biscuit or cake.
It might be idea to call a sit down with their leaders and work out this problem before lives are lost…
Posted: 2nd, June 2008 | In: Strange But True, War On Terror Comments (4) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink
Comments
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June 2nd, 2008 at 2:05 pm
no, Max Clifford’s no good - he’s just a load of waffle…. (sorry!)
June 2nd, 2008 at 1:16 pm
Pathetic biscuits eh?
You should see some of the mutant concoctions in my local american supermarket.
Personally I buy “Marias”, made in Spain, imported to the US, and sold in the Mexican
food section right next to the pickled cactus (it’s good!). They’re the closest thing to English “Rich Tea” I ever found here.
The Taliban need a PR consultant, all they seem to offer is death, death, and more death.
Maybe Max Clifford could help them.
June 2nd, 2008 at 11:47 am
what about Jaffa cakes - cake or biscuit? it could be a matter of life or death….
June 2nd, 2008 at 11:31 am
Does Kitkat count?