The Celebrity Baby Ordering Service

RING! RING!

This is recorded announcement. The Celebrity Baby Ordering Service is busy right now.

Press 1 to leave an order; 2 for returns; 3 for the Malawi office; 4 for a product recall on Armanis.

In the meantime, a word from our sponsors:

Coleen McLoughlin and her footballer Wayne Rooney have placed an order for “three or four” babies (Mirror).

Looks are unspecified, so too marketable skills, but the packages available are:

The C for 3: Three children – one boy (Capri Son) and two girls (Chamois and Jolie).

The D for 4: Four boys – (Capri Son, Bros, Eusebio) and a discounted ginger child called Leslie Edmonds.

Beep!

Hollywood VIP Nicole Richie and her tattooed Elton John look-alike singer husband Joel Madden have placed an order in the National Enquirer.

Says Richie: “I want five children. Twin boys and three girls.”

She’s opted for the B for Five package – Julian, Dick, Anne and the twin boys George and Timmy.

Beep! Message ends.

Cue theme song from Annie…

Picture: 14

Anorak