Daily Wail: We All Die Next Wednesday
DAILY WAIL: The Daily Mail searches horro stories, medical reports and research notes for news, and finally its quest bears dividends:
“Are we all going to die next Wednesday?”
It’s the Large Hadron Collider…
Posted: 4th, September 2008 | In: Tabloids Comments (19) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink
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Regular Features
September 8th, 2008 at 11:57 am
Apparently there is a dual case scenario should we all die. The first being that the earth would simply vanish in 1/20th of a second, followed two seconds later by the moon and 8 minutes later the sun would slpit apart and follow suite. All et’s would be killed. The second scenario is that it would take up to a month. in this course of time there would be a series of earthquakes and tsunamis that dont follow geographical regions. In theory the earth would be tearing itself apart. However at least we’d all know and be able to come to terms with this rather than simply vanishing.it shouldnt happen though…..
September 8th, 2008 at 11:53 am
Silly silly children.we shall live to see the tweenies
September 8th, 2008 at 11:52 am
a googleplex is a large number.basically stop worrying
September 8th, 2008 at 11:51 am
What’s a googleplex
September 7th, 2008 at 8:36 pm
We are going to live?
I hope Barclaycard have a sense of humour!
September 7th, 2008 at 8:32 pm
Well, you could sound a bit happier about it!
Stick in a smiley, or something…
September 7th, 2008 at 7:46 pm
Next Wednesday The generator will attempt to create a mythical “Higgs Particle”
this “Higgs” is supposedly one of the main particles knocking about about 10 seconds after the beggining of the universe. There is a one in 300 billion chance of creating a black hole. however, this black hole would only last a quarter of a millionth of a second, not getting anything larger then microscopic before disintigration. the chances of actually destroying the earth this way is somewhere in the region of a googleplex to 1.
it is suspected that there aren’t a googleplex atoms in the universe.
what is slightly more likely is that the generator messes up bigtime and transforms the world into strange radioactive glop.
the chances of this are a googleplex to 1.000000001
we are going to live.
September 6th, 2008 at 10:50 am
WE’RE ALL GONNA LIVE ON WEDNESDAY OK? DONT WORRY - ITS A RUMOR THAT WE WILL GET SUCKED UP BY A BLACK HOLE ( OR IS IT )…
September 4th, 2008 at 7:28 pm
Shite and there was I looking so forward to some date in 2012 to find out if the Mayans had it right all along…
September 4th, 2008 at 7:28 pm
chenier, you have out-knowledged me there; and seeing as I am so bone idle as to pay a family in South Korea to do my breathing for me (the day they turned up for work late, most of my forebrain died and now I can’t picture what waterfalls look like), I shall have to continue riposting tomorrow. Thanks for being you though. You’re like the only teacher whose petrol tank I didn’t slyly fill with sugar when they weren’t looking. Kudos, sweet dreams and may your God go with you.
September 4th, 2008 at 7:06 pm
There was a time when being a True Brit was synonymous with displaying the Dunkirk Spirit in queues.
Nowadays we have to pretend that the Mezes Nine come from some other country…
September 4th, 2008 at 7:00 pm
Tom Cruise truly is the poster child for Scientology. If you look closely you can tell that he has spirals-for-eyes. Weren’t there various break-ins across the States as they tried to hide evidence? I like the way they pussyfoot around us Brits, just ’cause we didn’t run off to the hills with guns when we heard Orson Welle’s War Of The Worlds on the wireless.
“What’s that dear? Invaded by Martians, eh? Well they’ll have to get in the queue with the rest of us , no matter how many legs and death-rays they have. Bloody cheek.”
September 4th, 2008 at 6:51 pm
Insane ramblings don’t worry me all that much; it’s the jumping up and down on sofas which puts me off…
September 4th, 2008 at 6:39 pm
School nurses and bewildered celebs are the only folks who will listen to L. Ron’s rantings. Everyone else just urinates through the letterbox of their local Dianetics centre every Friday night. He’d be spinning in his grave if he hadn’t been transported to Venus.
September 4th, 2008 at 6:35 pm
Ok, so we haven’t seen the apocalyptic death cults yet, but I maintain that Scientologists lecturing school nurses about the evils of caffeine is a definite pointer…
September 4th, 2008 at 6:21 pm
As long as he’s not using the opportunity for a little cannibalism before the grand finale, I expect you’ll be okay. There hasn’t even been time for apocalyptic death cults to seal themselves away and begin bargaining with the authorities for pizza deliveries yet.
It’s not the end of the world until some oddball gets free food delivered to his underground bunker full of impressionable people who are slowly, surely changing their mind about this mass suicide lark.
September 4th, 2008 at 6:15 pm
Oo er Bob had a Masonic meeting next Tuesday, its been cancelled…..
Who or what is Satan? chap down the road has a Rottie called Satan
September 4th, 2008 at 6:11 pm
Absolutely.
Having consulted the only person I know with expertise in these matters I am entirely confident that we will not die next Wednesday.
Apart from a small niggling doubt that he seemed unusually keen on dinner next Tuesday…
September 4th, 2008 at 5:42 pm
Apparently the LHC will fire an asylum seeker at a paedophile in front of a 6 tonne speed camera at near light-speed velocities - thus creating a creature capable of harming our blameless likkle knifespawn from countries that haven’t even got a name yet while adding twelve points to the driving licenses they don’t even have yet. The Mail is issuing tin hats and Mainwaring mustaches to every reader in its latest giveaway. Like that’ll effing help us.