New Jab To Lance Boil Of Fat People
THE Express tells of a new “Jab that stops obsess people feeling hungry.”
Anorak has long advocated the old jab, where the thin person elbows fatty in the tenderloin and says: “Don’t you think you’ve had enough?”
But the paper says this new jab is terrific.
Scientists “have discovered that overweight people lack an ‘I’m full’ hormone to stop them eating.”
They eat all the time do fat people. They never stop. They say the fat even eat in their sleep…
Experts predict the breakthrough will lead to a pill which suppresses the appetite – just like the hormone that triggers the brain to feel full.
A pill? What of the headline “jab”?
Can harpoons not be adapted for purpose? Or can our London Olympic javelin throwers not be employed to lance the boil that is obesity?
We should be told…
Posted: 9th, September 2008 | In: Food & Fat, Tabloids Comments (18) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink
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September 10th, 2008 at 12:05 pm
I agree with Coco - give them the jabs up the arse, then they won’t be able to sit down and will have to burn off the calories….?
September 10th, 2008 at 10:50 am
Particularly when running away from the guy who’s going to stick that lance into them.
So come on all you bunters, off the couch, down the gymn and on to the specially reinforced treadmill.
Preferably one at a time, to avoid the inadvertent journey to the center of the earth, which would probably breach the film’s copyright.
And I don’t want to hear any complaints about the catering department either; the Stone Age Diet has been conclusively proven to result in excellent weight loss, and if it doesn’t work initially for you then you are probably doing it wrong.
Attempting to get into a can of baked beans with only your teeth exercises all major muscle groups and you can juggle with them as well.
The cans, that is. Not your teeth…
September 10th, 2008 at 10:23 am
It’s not getting off your arse that makes a person fat.
Eating too many calories that aren’t being burned off.
If you eat and exercise in harmony - your body stays in harmony! Exercise is essential!
September 10th, 2008 at 10:20 am
Please may I have some of these jabs to pass onto one or two people on the MM thread?
September 10th, 2008 at 9:44 am
It’s carbohydrates that make you fat, not fats. Cholesterol doesn’t cause heart disease either. It’s the trans fats, hydrogenated vegetable oils and sugar that are killing people.
Is it really meant to be obsess people, rather than obese?
September 10th, 2008 at 9:10 am
And on Sky, to illustrate the problem of the NHS not helping fat people by giving them stomach bands, there is a hugely fat bloke, who we have to watch eating TWO rounds of white bread with a tin of beans on each one.
Not a small piece of fruit, or a bran biscuit.
And we are supposed to feel sorry for him !
September 10th, 2008 at 8:53 am
Thanks Pam. I stand corrected, but now all those people on whom I used my misquoted gambit have been demoted from ‘people I don’t f**king like’ to the status of ‘rat’s cock’. Not one of the bastards put me straight. No wonder I didn’t like them in the first place.
September 10th, 2008 at 8:27 am
Pam Says:
September 10th, 2008 at 5:15 am
It’s “fresh hell”. And you must try to sound bored, jaded, and a tiny bit hung-over when you say it.
……………………………………….
So ring me - Coco - coz I’m brilliant at sounding like this - Especially when I read certain posters on here!
September 10th, 2008 at 5:15 am
It’s “fresh hell”. And you must try to sound bored, jaded, and a tiny bit hung-over when you say it.
September 9th, 2008 at 9:41 pm
chenier, I think it was she who answered the telephone with the sublime “what fresh horror is this?” I hope so anyway, as that’s to whom I always attribute it to cold-callers, wrong numbers and people I just plain don’t f**king like.
September 9th, 2008 at 9:19 pm
Magnetite, it has just dawned on me that we are discussing Dorothy Parker on the wrong thread; we should have decamped to Agent Provocateur whilst the going was good.
On the other hand, Peaches is not my cup of tea…
September 9th, 2008 at 9:15 pm
Very wise, Saul; it can be an absolute bugger trying to chop the sausages up small enough to get them in the syringe…
September 9th, 2008 at 9:10 pm
Until you can mainline Sausage, Bacon and Egg, I’m afraid I must stick with the traditional method of ingress.
September 9th, 2008 at 8:54 pm
I think we reached the evolutionary lingerie pinnacle with the crotchless thong.
September 9th, 2008 at 8:37 pm
‘Brevity is the soul of lingerie’
Discuss.
September 9th, 2008 at 8:33 pm
Sorry about that. if you all wanted to read length diatribes, you’d all be reading The Mail instead of being here taking the flying piss out of it. I’ll try to remain true to Shakespeare’s ‘brevity is the soul of wit’ thing from now on. I really don’t know what came over me. I must be sobering up…
September 9th, 2008 at 8:26 pm
Hang on a tick… [Worzel magnetite rummages around for his rarely used serious head, blows the dust off it, checks to see if the eyes still work, and shakes the family of fieldmice out of the neckhole before swapping it with the bile spewing one that he usually sports]
One marked difference between my generation (born at the tail end of the 60’s, grew up in the era where we wouldn’t eat anything unless it fizzed, reached maturity during Maggie’s stint at the helm when the love of filthy lucre took over from sane governance) and my parents’ times, is the often lamented fact that they had butcher’s shops with stands outside of them. The fresh meat there dripped blood onto the chewing-gum free pavement below and the consumers of which - who also weren’t branded by the insulting tag of ‘consumer’ - had a healthy lifestyle of hard (but necessary in the rebuilding of our then still green and pleasant land) work and weekends of hard play. Cancer was rarely encountered. Of course, tuberculosis, polio and ‘dead man’s mandeath’ were rife, but each generation has its own horrors and monsters.
Now we live in an era where even gardening, mining and slave-labour can be sedentary professions (the only remaining active dangerous ones being cockle-picking, pound-an-hour security work and celebrity heroin tester) and our food is far from fresh thanks to our baffling need to eat things that only take three-quarters of second to cook. It is becoming clear that fatty foods in conjunction with sugary drinks affect neurochemistry that tells us that we are sated, but our economy stands upon these fat-filled foundations so we will have many problems moving away from that lifestyle.
[Removes serious head and stuffs the neckhole with those little packets of silica gel that come with absolutely everything, successfully resisting once again the temptation to ignore the 'do not eat' warnings]
September 9th, 2008 at 2:06 pm
First they came for our fat…