Comments on: The World’s Best Anti-Ageing Cream

By: magnetite

magnetite — Sat, 13 Sep 2008 18:22:50 +0000

The footwear bill would be devastating, and Jimmy Choo’s whoop of joy would be heard all over the world, from the icy wastes of Manchuria to the concrete jungles of our cities.

By: chenier

chenier — Sat, 13 Sep 2008 18:16:55 +0000

Eight-legged girls?

Well, over on the Forums someone has kindly referred us to a range of tasteful sex toys marketed for those between 35 and 55, which apparently is, in marketing terms, a “neglected” group .

I particularly liked the claim that:

‘You would not be embarrassed to leave the product in full view of the family’

Which is more than can be said for eight-legged girls…

By: magnetite

magnetite — Sat, 13 Sep 2008 18:04:33 +0000

Spiders, that is. Not girls. Though an eight-legged girl would be beyond even the powers of the creams above, even were they not snakeoil.

By: magnetite

magnetite — Sat, 13 Sep 2008 18:02:42 +0000

No disappointment. Authorship attribution skills atrophied by lack of use. Besides, here we can speak to the mind -and respond in kind, so it doesn’t matter a jot. All the women I’ve ever japed with have been cleverer by far than I, and now another one joins their ranks. I’m probably more frightened of them than you though (no creature needs more than six legs), and don’t get me started on moths.

By: chenier

chenier — Sat, 13 Sep 2008 17:48:25 +0000

I am sorry to disappoint you, but spiders would indeed freak me out.

Fortunately the City, whilst full of predators, lacks the arachnid type…

By: magnetite

magnetite — Sat, 13 Sep 2008 17:41:18 +0000

You’re a GIRL, chenier? Oh, curses. Now I’m going to have to start chasing you with spiders. And we were getting on so well.

By: chenier

chenier — Sat, 13 Sep 2008 17:14:54 +0000

I think that anyone falling for that ad has already won a Darwin Award, but the fast car selling trick for guys is obsolete.

Try googling for some of the guided tours of the Large Hadron Collider; if I possessed a single x chromosome I’d be tempted to join up myself…

By: magnetite

magnetite — Sat, 13 Sep 2008 17:06:21 +0000

It’s just a shame that the fairer sex, our unarguably better halves, are so used to being lied to by the constant parade of products offering to stay the hand of Father Time that some will fall for this chicanery. Fortunately for us men, the only products that tug on deeply rooted worries can’t be shown in still or moving form - and we can click ‘delete’ and get rid of the e-mail spam without even being slightly tempted by someone offering to make our equipment bigger.

Twenty years from now, it may all be different. With no oil left for cars, that symbolic replacement may no longer be a possibility - and powerful, professional ads in Coronation Street will be asking if we’d rather be taking two hands into the shower instead of one.

By: Julie

Julie — Sat, 13 Sep 2008 14:02:08 +0000

Bah … a cider a day keeps the wrinkles away … betcha it’s cheaper too ….

By: The Real Stig

The Real Stig — Sat, 13 Sep 2008 13:07:42 +0000

Its FEWER you fucking ignorant morons - not less, FEWER - dip-shits!

By: lyn

lyn — Sat, 13 Sep 2008 00:48:21 +0000

Rolled oats, salt, and a good scrub does it for me.

By: bill

bill — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 19:37:20 +0000

Polyfilla is cheaper.

Works for me!