Some suggestions:

a) Accusing Fergie of using her daughters for publicity, but shamefully using her own children as publicity props (cue mother’s day article and photo in the Mail, and relentless column references to her own offspring - would she even have a career if she couldn’t plunder her own kids and her ‘my experience as a mummy’ stories?).

b) Writing about the terrible toll of unrealistic media images of women’s bodies - especially the pressure it places on young women, including her own precious young daughter - yet taking the time slag off Princess Beatrice for exposing her perfectly normal body in a bikini. Classic.

c) Extolling family virtues and the benefits to children of being raised by married parents, yet being unmarried herself and, even better, trying to conceal that fact by referring to her partner as her ‘husband’. You can run, honey, but you can’t hide - Madame Arcati called you on that one!

d) Yes, talking about the credit crunch and the pressure on everyone’s families - including Allison’s, let’s not forget! - while she has obviously blown the hundreds of thousands Miramax paid her, despite having not delivered the book she promised them; but also sitting on a reported £400k a year at the Daily Hate. Nice work if you can get it.

As an aside, what’s with her uncanny ability to place herself at the centre of every big new story? Lehman Bros goes bust, she knows how profligate they were because she went to their HQ and gave a speech (er, presumably in return for a stack of cash?)! Couple brutally killed on their honeymoon in Antigua - Allison knew just how the (Welsh-born) bride felt about being there, because she was also born in Wales and she has been to Antigua too! The effect of violent films on young people - Allison saw and was horrified by the new Batman movie, then drove past the place where Ben Kinsella was shot on her way home! (This is slightly odd, given that Pearson apparently lives in Cambridge, and presumably wouldn’t be driving to London, past a shooting site, in order to catch a screening of Batman?…) She is truly uncanny!

I’m not volunteering to find out.

Maybe we could put a sign up in Bridgend?

‘Don’t top yourself here; do something useful before you die’

‘Find Allison Pearson’!

Aaaaaaaaagggggggggggggghhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!

I read something by her again… the agony….

I read something written by Allison Pearson…

My brain’s melting………..

‘Today, financial disaster has forced those women to reconsider their priorities. If one good thing can come out of the present fiasco, perhaps we can all reflect on our priorities and be honest about the toll that the pursuit of money takes on our happiness.’

Dear Goddess, please spare a few nanoseconds and delete her from your memory banks…