Comments on: Special Agent With The United States Illuminati Is Captured

By: chenier

chenier — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 17:58:21 +0000

Bear Grylls,

I’m pretty sure that the Artist Formerly Known as Magnetite packs a pretty mean punch even in his present zombified condition; the shark may have failed but the memory lingers.

Reinstate the previous status quo and you might get out of here alive….

By: magnetite

magnetite — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 17:03:44 +0000

This is Bear Grylls. I am wearing the person you were replying to as a hat, to protect me from the elements. I am now going to try and make it all the way to the chip shop in town with only a helicopter film-crew for company. It is an arduous trek past wild hoodies and across two industrial estates. If I make it alive, I’ll have Channel 4 post him back here. I’ll get a couple of deep-fried half-chickens for the wildmen in the garden. Thanks for the tip, we can all sleep safe in our beds knowing GDZSes are gone. I take my hat off to you…oh, all the guts fell out. They were keeping my head warm, damn it!

By: Saul

Saul — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 16:55:08 +0000

Have been warned off by Mythbusters and Mike Rowe.

The deadliest catch boys reckon a large crab would make short work of a Zombie Shark.

Anything that tastes like chicken is good as bait.

By: magnetite

magnetite — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 16:49:09 +0000

I had you booked on Beeb2, but I heard a thunk at my door just now. Peeking outside, there was a note pinned to my door by two poisoned darts. It just read “We documentary men best. Go or we kill.” Out of the corner of my eye I spotted Bruce Parry and Ray Mears, naked save for a thin coating of dried Alpaca shit for camouflage, ducking back into the privets at the end of my garden.

Your Gobi Desert Zombie Shark hunting prowess has stirred up violent and impassioned jealousies within the danger-film stalwarts who appear to have gone native. or f**king mad, I’m not sure which. My garden reeks of Alpaca shit now though. We’ll ease you in via Sky2 or Beeb4 until I get some traps rigged. I’m not not sure what to bait them with.

By: Saul

Saul — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 16:32:05 +0000

Sky two? I was hoping for BBC Three!

By: magnetite

magnetite — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 16:25:40 +0000

Nice one Saul. We need more hunters of your dedication and calibre, but now you can’t take on a David Carradine Kung-Fu style apprentice. Your skills may be needed in new battles. Or a series on Sky Two at least.

By: chenier

chenier — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 09:57:08 +0000

That’s a lot of fire-power, but I can see that any Gobi Desert Zombie shark that managed to make it that far from base would need more than a smack on the snout and a ‘Down, Boy!’…

By: Saul

Saul — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 09:51:12 +0000

İm afraıd that cant be dıvulged. Entusıastıc amateurs put themselves at rısk.

There are some conspıracy theorısts that today stıll claım that Steve Irwın was ındeed a vıctım of the above, and that the barb to hıs heart was ıntended for a 1000yr old Zombıe shark.

By: chenier

chenier — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 07:41:41 +0000

I’m just a bit worried about your effect on Mother Earth; I’ll bail you out of a Turkish jail but an enraged goddess is asking too much…

How do you kill Gobı Desert Zombıe Sharks, anyway?

Not, of course, that I would dream of doing so…

By: Saul

Saul — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 07:28:59 +0000

When you are ın the sand busıness you have to be aware of the Gobı Desert Zombıe Shark, pesky crıtters at the best of tımes, absolute buggers after dark.

By: chenier

chenier — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 07:25:30 +0000

You b*stard, Saul!

If it’s not sand it’s deserts!

Is nothing silicaceous safe from you?

By: Saul

Saul — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 07:06:06 +0000

——-

That’s like being the worlds best Gobi Desert Zombie Shark hunter. You don’t have to worry about meeting the object of your fear and enmity - ’cause it doesn’t f**king exist.
—–
That is because İ, the worlds best Gobi Desert Zombie Shark hunter, has kılled them all!

By: magnetite

magnetite — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 21:54:35 +0000

Yep, chenier. To the nTH (or lack of one) degree. Since Paul Gascoigne was arrested they’ve become very real though. “Ah’ve fund ah hedge ta sleep in terneet when the let us gan.”

[How's your German? Maybe you can fix my Obama/Hitler contribution]

By: chenier

chenier — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 21:38:43 +0000

‘an invisible organisation, whose seat of power is unkown and whose motives and ideals are unkowable?’

Ok, I’m taking a wild guess here; a hedge fund?

By: magnetite

magnetite — Thu, 18 Sep 2008 21:11:20 +0000

At least Mr. Smith was doing something. Whoever was protesting against the Illuminati must be the laziest conspiracist in the world. How easy is it to fear an invisible organisation, whose seat of power is unkown and whose motives and ideals are unkowable?

That’s like being the worlds best Gobi Desert Zombie Shark hunter. You don’t have to worry about meeting the object of your fear and enmity - ’cause it doesn’t f**king exist.