SAYS the Mail: “Pole dancing club licensed to open at site where Mayflower set sail… what would the Puritans have said?”
Well, considering they were leaving for the US, perhaps “Goodbye”, or “phwoarr!”..?
Posted: 19th, September 2008 | In: Tabloids Comments (13) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink
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Regular Features
September 19th, 2008 at 4:25 pm
The caning scene. I had a techer like that b*stard.
September 19th, 2008 at 4:19 pm
Nope, we’ve been a nation of sot for hundreds of years. Probably because of what the Romans did. They’re lucky if they read anything at all in school nowadays. They probably just seal them in a room with crash helmets on and go for a smoke. We tend to like our comedies full of cross-dressing men though. Sometimes on train platforms. Ah, Les Dawson…you are sorely missed.
September 19th, 2008 at 4:15 pm
Well, you know, we read New England lit and y’all apparently bugger each other silly, so it likely all evens out in terms of potential therapy costs.
September 19th, 2008 at 4:12 pm
…ey up lad….! and leave the bloody birds alone!!
September 19th, 2008 at 4:09 pm
Jesus, Pam! They make you read stuff like that at school? it’s a wonder anyone in the US ever gets born at all! They make us read stuff like Kes. It doesn’t give you repression problems later in life, unless you count a tendency toward kestrel-f**king and an odd urge to mount Brian Glover.
September 19th, 2008 at 4:03 pm
I mean nekkid from the waist up too. oh jesus. I wonder where the serious political comment went? How the f**k do you lot manager to do this at work and not get caught? My neighbours can hear me laffin’
September 19th, 2008 at 4:02 pm
Scarlet Letter summary: Hester Prynne (Puritan girl) sins in woods with Puritan parson. The evidence of said tryst soon becomes obvious in the swelling of region between Hester belly button and Hester woo-hoo. She refuses to name the father,
is publicly punished in the stocks by hypocritical POS parson, and is condemned to wear a scarlet A (for adultery) on her chest for the rest of her life.
As stripper names are always either alliterative or puns, our glittery-A’d girl will either have to be Hester Hawthorne or–my personal favorite–Hester Prone.
September 19th, 2008 at 3:56 pm
I meant to say ‘not to ask for…’ oh. fuck. i’m crying with f**king laughter at this afternoon. You can tell it’s a bloody Friday.
September 19th, 2008 at 3:55 pm
No, sorry Pam. And now I have the mental picture of a nekkid-from-the-waist-down Greggs girl asking if I want Steak Bake or Sausage and baked bean while pointing to each.
And I can taste the blood from my bitten tongue filling my mouth as I try to to ask for a fish bite.
September 19th, 2008 at 3:48 pm
I think “pasties” means something different there, but here they are the two small discs constituting the upper half of an “exotic dancer’s” costume. I’m imaging them, in this case, as scarlet sequined A’s. (Or do you all not have to read Hawthorne in school?)
September 19th, 2008 at 3:32 pm
no, they’d have said “f*ck being seasick for a week, we’re staying here” - and then, who knows what might have happened….?
September 19th, 2008 at 3:12 pm
They’d say “Melons. More melons.”
Then they’d say to themselves “What? Why you godless filthmongers, er…us.”
Then they’d say “No, to prevent scurvy. We need melons.”
Then they’d say “Oh, that’s all right then. I thought there for a minute…”
Then they’d say “And some big, round gyrating arses would be good too…”
And then the self-flagellation would start. Again.
September 19th, 2008 at 2:40 pm
They would have Wailed, of course, before they Sailed…
And whilst I realise that Bose white noise headphones don’t come cheap, this may be all that stands between your intrepid readers and aural doom…