Comments on: Swiss Restaurant Serves Up Breast Milk In Its Sauces

By: magnetite

magnetite — Sun, 21 Sep 2008 09:11:07 +0000

Oops, forgot to congratulate LP on her upcoming happy event. Congrats, to you and your chap. They eventually start talking though, and it’s not long before they start asking for stuff and answering back.

By: chenier

chenier — Sat, 20 Sep 2008 11:04:13 +0000

There’s no justice in the world; he probably spent the rest of his life ducking for apples…

By: Trismegistus

Trismegistus — Sat, 20 Sep 2008 10:50:43 +0000

Before you can ask, no, he didn’t get the job.

By: Trismegistus

Trismegistus — Sat, 20 Sep 2008 10:49:57 +0000

There was a resume that went around our office a couple of years ago… the classic “typo in the resume” thing but the bloke had reportedly worked on…

THE LARGE HARDON COLLIDER

Ooooh, yes.

By: chenier

chenier — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 20:35:26 +0000

Desperate Dan,

I’m pleased to hear it; there were reports of a ‘glitch’ with a 30 ton transformer which, to use the technical term, ‘broke’.

Since I haven’t the faintest idea what a transformer is, much less how it could break, this information was not of much use to me, so your report from the vicinity is reassuring. Please keep it up!

Incidentally, there are unverifiable reports that the US Treasury is trying to collect and dump toxic instruments into the Collider, in the hope that they will f*ck the financial markets in someone else’s universe, so if you come across large numbers of suits with American accents please don’t be alarmed; they are just trying to save the world.

Well, they broke it; they can fix it…

By: Desperate Dan

Desperate Dan — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 20:04:34 +0000

chenier Says:

September 19th, 2008 at 6:32 pm
I had read that there had been a hitch with the Large Hadron Collider, so I wondered whether you were to blame?

And your report is a tad late…

——————————————————————————————————–

chenier, I’m impressed by your memory. The CERN website was hacked but otherwise things seem to be fine.

Twenty degrees today and sunny.

I assume that the particles must still be accelerating and colliding without untoward effect.

LIDL and ALDI are still no cheaper than our local supermarket so all must be well with the world.

I am reluctant to use the term “black hole” for obvious reasons…

By: Miss Match

Miss Match — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 18:59:32 +0000

Let’s hope that this restaurant doesn’t become self service.

By: chenier

chenier — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 17:32:04 +0000

I had read that there had been a hitch with the Large Hadron Collider, so I wondered whether you were to blame?

And your report is a tad late…

By: Desperate Dan

Desperate Dan — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 17:10:17 +0000

Breast milk? What other kind is there?

By: magnetite

magnetite — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 14:22:44 +0000

Nope, chenier. Just born with poor eyesight. I latched on to beer home-brew beer kit hanging on the door shortly after birth and have been there ever since. While the other toddlers hopped, skipped and jumped I ate hops, kipped then pumped.

By: chenier

chenier — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 14:18:25 +0000

Your mum not from that part of the world, then?

By: magnetite

magnetite — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 14:14:44 +0000

I remember the European Milk Lake, but I must have missed the German Milk Mountains.

By: chenier

chenier — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 14:09:34 +0000

But behind that picture of swiss motherhood at its’ peak lies a cautionary tale.

The dastardly chef was advertising in German newspapers for mothers to share nature’s bounty at $22.50 a litre; I think we can all agree that passing off German human milk as Swiss human milk is a fraud on the consumer.

Or at least, that’s what the Association of Swiss Milk Producers said, and who are we non-lactating individuals to argue?

By: Lone Pigeon

Lone Pigeon — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 13:55:59 +0000

Ohhhhh I can’t wait for mine Should be in about another 11 weeks time hahahahaa

By: magnetite

magnetite — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 13:55:52 +0000

When the little ‘un was born, I had to take my share of stuffing her yowling maw with expressed milk from my better half back then - usually while she slept. Until some kind person told me I could test it on my wrist, I was doing so by squirting some of the contents of the warmed milk onto my tongue while standing in a cotton-wool fog of sleep deprivation in the kitchen. Every f**king night. During the day, of course, little ‘un was fed from the tap, so to speak.

If I ever went near my then beloved’s sore areas, I’d be told: “They’re for the baby.” After my hapless nocturnal testings I completely agreed with her. That stuff is so foul that only a creature who had up until then tasted nothing but womb juice could possibly like it. These Swiss cuckoos should be clocked with a Christmas-sized Toblerone for even thinking otherwise. Plus they’ve probably robbed the next generation of helpful colostrum, so when their grandkids are wheezing and shambling around on underdeveloped legs they’ve only got their sick, sick selves to blame. Yuck! Christ knows what’s in the Sachertorte!