Madeleine McCann: Paedos From Lamp-Posts, Hating Fiona Philips And JonBenet Ramsey

MADDIE WATCH - Anorak’s at-a-glance guide to press coverage of Madeleine McCann, Kate McCann and Gerry McCann

QUEENSFERRY GAZETTE (Scotland): “We’ve been ad”

A CONCERNED mum has spoken out about the potential hazards posed by new outdoor advertising boards. Janette Sheppard is also worried that other parents may think the boards are simply lamp-posts.

Lamp-posts, for paedos to hide behind… Like those (G)litter bins…

She said: “These have just sprung up – one is outside my son’s primary school. At first glance it would be easy to mistake them for lamp-posts, but they are actually advertising boards.”

The wonders of modern technology. Who would have thunk it. Go on…

“There is a small electronic strip at the top which could be used by the council to post information if a child goes missing. I believe the council also gets some revenue from the boards.”

Making money from missing kiddies. For shame!

“My concern, as a parent, is if the council thinks it’s appro-priate to put one of these boards outside a primary school. Our kids are already inundated with advertising – do they really need more? And what kind of advertising is it going to be?”

Sweets. Peados. Guns. Snuff movies. You know, the usual kids’ stuff…

A West Lothian Council spokesperson said: “The new signs are part of the Amberwatch system, which is designed to allow urgent safety messages to be relayed instantly to the local community. The similar Amber Alerts system in America has been credited with helping locate over 100 missing children, and the parents of Madeline McCann have campaigned to have such a system installed across Europe.”

So there it is. It’s there to advertise when a child goes missing; and when a child doesn’t go missing…

DAILY TELEGRAPH: “Review: My Sister, My Love by Joyce Carol Oates”

Review: My Sister, My Love by Joyce Carol Oates - The unsolved murder of a child star is too close to real events for David Robson

A child star… Get ready to be entertained…

Novels based on real-life crime stories always leave a slightly queasy taste. Novels based on unsolved real-life crime stories leave an even queasier one.

Hands over mouths; heres it comes…

There are probably writers already working on fictionalisations of the abduction of Madeleine McCann, but it is hard to feel much respect for them.

They don’t do it for the respect. They do it for the money; like the newspapers…

The same applies, mutatis mutandis, to this ethically questionable piece by Joyce Carol Oates, inspired by a crime that was the talk of America in 1996, when a six-year-old child beauty pageant contestant called JonBenet Ramsey was found brutally murdered in the basement of her parents’ house in Colorado.

DAILY STAR: “THAT’S VERY IRRITATING - FIONA IS BRITS’ MOST HATED CELEB”

IT’S Fiona Philips, GMTV’s soon-to-be ex-self-righteous-Labour-cheering-ultra-violet-toothed-baby-boasting-braying-nodding-head.

FIONA Phillips is more annoying than the washout summer, chavs and Heather Mills.

Mills isn’t annoying; Mills is entertaining.

Her on-screen gaffes include telling the parents of missing Madeleine McCann: “There are light moments. You’ve acquired this odd celebrity status.”

A gaffe? No way. This is the highest praise possible in the GMTV lexicon. GMTV renders everything it touches a celebrity: car crash victim, prime minister, doctor etc. are all touched by the GMTV celebrity wand. A celebrity… nothing bigger, nor better…

100 MOST ANNOYING THINGS FOR 2008

1. Benefit scroungers

2. The credit crunch

3. Tailgaters

4. Cold callers

5. People reading over your shoulder

6. Gordon Brown

7. Fiona Phillips

8. Being bloated

9. Rising fuel prices

10. Falling house prices

11. The wet summer

12. Middle lane drivers

13. Constipation

14. Bossiness

15. Slow internet connections

16. Being put on hold

17. Pregnant women smoking

18. Someone nicking your parking spot

19. Stepping in dog poo

20. Jehovah’s Witnesses

21. Debt companies advertising on TV

22. Skinny people who complain they are fat

23. Queue jumpers

24. Bullying

25. Noisy neighbours

26. Nosey neighbours

27. People parking in disabled bays when they aren’t disabled

28. Junk mail

29. Snobs

30. Noisy eaters

31. Dog owners who don’t clean up after their pets

32. People putting our Olympic achievements down

33. Novelty ringtones

34. Automated phone systems

35. Chavs

36. People who walk slowly

37. People who take their kids to shops and let them run riot

38. Amy Winehouse

39. Sienna Miller’s love life

40. Rude shop staff

41. Wasps

42. Diarrhoea

43. Cristiano Ronaldo

44. People who have their mobile turned off when you really need to get hold of them

45. Dannii Minogue

46. Mosquitoes

47. Kids kicking the back of your chair on a plane

48. Hangovers

49. The hot water running out when you want to take a bath

50. Buses not arriving on time

51. Heather Mills

52. James Blunt

53. Reformed smokers

54. People talking on their mobile on public transport

55. Headaches

56. The smoking ban

57. Toothache

58. Litter bugs

59. Spots

60. People who write “text back” in texts

61. Scientology

62. Russell Brand

63. Screaming kids

64. Alistair Darling

65. Traffic wardens

66. Americans

67. Roadworks

68. Big Brother

69. Pete Doherty

70. Runny nose

71. PDAs (public displays of affection)

72. Flat tyres

73. Ashley Cole

74. Tax returns

75. Finding out that you’ve run out of toilet paper when you really need

the loo

76. Boasters

77. Not having change when you really need it

78. Carol Vorderman

79. Paper cuts

80. Stepping in chewing gum

81. Bad hair days

82. Charley Uchea off Big Brother

83. Mothers-in-law

84. Cashiers giving you your change on top of a receipt

85. Posh Spice

86. CDs that jump

87. Stubbing your toe

88. Getting something in your eye

89. Losing your glasses

90. Cat hair that sticks to your clothes

91. Children who cough in your face

92. Losing your passport

93. People ramming the back of your heels with trolleys

94. Rubbish opening times at doctors and dentists

95. Kate Garraway

96. email spam

97. People using mobiles in the quiet carriage on the train

98. People who don’t remove their shoes in the house

99. Naomi Campbell

100. Troublesome computer printers

And so on…

Anorak

Posted: 4th, October 2008 | In: Broadsheets, Madeleine McCann, Tabloids Comments (293) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink