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Anorak | Church Warns On The Perils Of Inhaling Gay Men

Church Warns On The Perils Of Inhaling Gay Men

by | 7th, October 2008

THE Rev Peter Mullen is chaplain to the London Stock Exchange and environs. He smells a gay man.

Mullen says:

“Let us make it obligatory for homosexuals to have their backsides tattooed with the slogan SODOMY CAN SERIOUSLY DAMAGE YOUR HEALTH and their chins with FELLATIO KILLS.”

Hurrah! A free tattoo for every gay man! Well, the church needs the support, and a free wafer, sip of wine and one up the arse from the priest may not be enough. Go on:

“In addition, the obscene ‘gay pride’ parades and carnivals should be banned for they give rise to passive corruption, comparable to passive smoking. Young people forced to witness these excrescences are corrupted by them.”

Have you inhaled a gay man?

The Mail, as all papers do, solicits nodding heads to say that Mr Mullen is a terrible person who should burn in Hell and have red hot pokers shoved up his backside. Perhaps his arse tattoo should read: “Abandon hope all ye who enter here”?

Of course, Mr Mullen has been misunderstood. It’s all terrific misunderstanding:

“I wrote some satirical things on my blog and anybody with an ounce of sense of humour or any understanding of the tradition of English satire would immediately assume that they’re light-hearted jokes. I certainly have nothing against homosexuals. Many of my dear friends have been and are of that persuasion. What I have got against them is the militant preaching of homosexuality.”

Altogether now: Onward Christian soldiers…

The entire text of Mr Mullen’s blog post appears hereunder. It’s terrific stuff :

Matthew Parris is wilfully refusing to give his readers his opinion about the recent “gay wedding” and about relationships between the church and homosexuals generally. He says, “When it comes to the church, synagogue or mosque, if you think the whole thing ridiculous, its hard to get excited about the ridiculousness of a subset of it. I should feel the same if morris dancers or the British Astrological Society tried to exclude gays.”

So, for Parris, the views of billions of Christians, Jews and Muslims worldwide are of no more consequence than a couple of obscure sectional interests. From what point of privileged judgement does he thus discount 4000 years of civilisation? The great world religions have survived the criticisms of far more intelligent and better informed opponents than the ignorant upstart Parris. There is a whole history and literature of distinguished apologetics for religious belief, but Parris will attend to none of it sufficient only to attract his disdain is mainstream religion’s disapproval of homosexual acts.

Since Parris will not dirty his hands by entering theological discussions with his readers, perhaps I might answer for religious believers in the purely utilitarian terms which even the lofty Parris is bound to engage with. We disapprove of homosexuality because it is clearly unnatural, a perversion and corruption of natural instincts

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Posted: 7th, October 2008 | In: Strange But True, Tabloids Comments (17) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink