Alistair Darling To Make Banks Run Like Trains
ALISTAIR Darling is the man who ran the railways. He now runs the country’s banking system.
Customers trying to borrow their own money from the banks they now own should book their place in the queue in advance and observe that there is a bus replacement service ever second Wednesday.
Anyone arriving at a bank without a ticket may be liable to being abused and/or threatened with a fixed penalty notice.
Mr Darling would like it on the record that though he is in change of carpets, rope, stantions (fixed (blue) and retractable (black)), paying-in slips, pen wire and official use of the word “Next!”, he is not in charge of pens attached to pen wire, cashier windows, musak, envelopes and rulers with calculators fixed one end.
Posted: 10th, October 2008 | In: Politicians Comments (15) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink
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October 11th, 2008 at 2:19 pm
Grand Finale
If your”e going to quote get it right “Never has so much been owed by so many to so
few.”
Obviously the early hours of the morning doesn”t help, so your”e excused. LOL
How are you? I don”t post often these days because there is little to say regarding the
McCann saga and hardly any Posters left.
October 11th, 2008 at 2:23 am
val Says:
October 10th, 2008 at 8:26 pm
The difference now is the amount of Personal debt which was very small after the
War. Not many people owned their own Homes and Credit Cards were unheard of.
********************
WHAT ? CHURCHILL said , Never has so much been OWED to so few by so many…………….
Trouble with Nostalgia…………………it ain’t what it used to be !
October 10th, 2008 at 8:26 pm
The difference now is the amount of Personal debt which was very small after the
War. Not many people owned their own Homes and Credit Cards were unheard of.
October 10th, 2008 at 8:20 pm
Banks run like trains? What do you mean? They already are! Many have come off the rails in the last month alone!
October 10th, 2008 at 7:29 pm
I love what this Bloomberg piece says:
“The IMF was set up later to help manage the international financial system.”
http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=20601087&sid=aP5mpMUORBWM
In financial Newspeak, “help manage” of course stands for “totally wreck”.
October 10th, 2008 at 7:15 pm
I am departing for dinner, people, so don’t take any rubber checks while I’m gone.
And may I commend to you the power of prayer; that’s what the IMF is relying on, and they are the experts, right?
October 10th, 2008 at 7:04 pm
>> NEW STOCK MARKET TERMS
>>
>>
>>
>> CEO –Chief Embezzlement Officer.
>>
>>
>>
>> CFO– Corporate Fraud Officer.
>>
>>
>>
>> BULL MARKET — A random market movement causing an investor
>> to mistake
>>
>> himself for a financial genius.
>>
>>
>>
>> BEAR MARKET — A 6 to 18 month period when the kids
>> get no allowance,
>>
>> the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> VALUE INVESTING — The art of buying low and selling
>> lower.
>>
>>
>>
>> P/E RATIO — The percentage of investors wetting their
>> pants as the
>>
>> market keeps crashing.
>>
>>
>>
>> BROKER — What my broker has made me.
>>
>>
>>
>> STANDARD & POOR — Your life in a nutshell.
>>
>>
>>
>> STOCK ANALYST — Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> STOCK SPLIT — When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your
>> assets
>>
>> equally between themselves.
>>
>>
>>
>> FINANCIAL PLANNER — A guy whose phone has been
>> disconnected.
>>
>>
>>
>> MARKET CORRECTION — The day after you buy stocks.
>>
>>
>>
>> CASH FLOW– The movement your money makes as it
>> disappears down the toilet.
>>
>>
>>
>> YAHOO — What you yell after selling it to some poor
>> sucker for $240 per share.
>>
>>
>>
>> WINDOWS — What you jump out of when you’re the
>> sucker who bought
>>
>> Yahoo @ $240 per share.
>>
>>
>>
>> INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR — Past year investor who’s now
>> locked up in a nuthouse.
>>
>>
>>
>> PROFIT — An archaic word no longer in use.
>
> ———————————————————————-
>
>This is an e-mail from a Friend in America , opinion there is obviously very anti
Banks etc, but the Americans have a “survival of the fittest”philosophy so they don”t
like the idea of taxpayer”s money being used to bale everyone out.
October 10th, 2008 at 6:48 pm
When URLs start getting that long you know we’re in big trouble.
October 10th, 2008 at 6:18 pm
And only yesterday one of my “banks” in the US chose to offer me the opportunity to obtain share certificates with an APY of 4.5% provided I hold them for three years.
I don’t think so.
October 10th, 2008 at 5:48 pm
“This is the Night Bank crossing the border,
Not honouring the cheque or the postal order,”
[My sincere apologies to W.H. Auden for that one]
October 10th, 2008 at 5:46 pm
http://news.sky.com/skynews/Home/Business/Diary-Of-A-City-Slicker-Undercover-Banker-Gives-Account-On-Global-Financial-Crisis-For-Sky-News/Article/200810215117661?lpos=Business_News_Your_Way_Region_5&lid=NewsYourWay_ARTICLE_15117661_Diary_Of_A_City_Slicker%3A_Undercover_Banker_Gives_Account_On_Global_Financial_Crisis_For_Sky_News
————————————————————————————–
I was trying to paste the City Slicker article, don”t know quite what all this is, but worth
a read.
October 10th, 2008 at 4:35 pm
All good choices, John.
All you have to do is bear in mind that our species has an almost infinite ability to lie to ourselves.
Thus the spectacle of the once all-powerful Alan Greenspan claiming that those awful people on Wall St betrayed his trust, after 15 years at the helm claiming that nothing could possibly go wrong.
I would suggest that you bear in mind the fact that financial institutions are not confined to things easily recognisable as banks; the largest insurer in the world, AIG had to be ‘rescued’ and there are a lot of other insurance companies out there.
Remember also that every large group has a specified finance company, and that company could take down a group which apparently had nothing to do with the financial markets, other than borrowing through them.
It ain’t over…
October 10th, 2008 at 4:14 pm
Nobody is running the banking system anywhere……..well, maybe if there is someone their name is Lord Almighty Cock-up or Mr. Wishful Thinking or Sir You couldn’t Write the Script ………..or simply Mr. Bloody Disaster.
October 10th, 2008 at 3:33 pm
“Train-wreck” is certainly an apt description of the slaughter going on right now.
October 10th, 2008 at 3:30 pm
I applaud your optimism, Anorka, but I think you will find that nobody’s running the banking system, here or anywhere else.
That’s the problem…