The Britton Bounce: Fern’s Gastric Band Aid

CRITICS are calling it the Fern Britton Bounce.

On the day that Gordon Brown “SAVES THE WORLD” (The Daily Brown Nose, formerly Daily Mirror), the Express leads with news that Fern Britton has dropped five dresses sizes.

Back in the days of yore (yesterday) times were hard. Fern was living in austerity Britain, and for the best part of 24 hours the TV hostess with the mostess feared she would feel the pinch – on her hips, bust, tummy and thighs.

Anorak’s typing pool was ready to step in with “Gastric band Aid”, when we would stand outside British Homes Stores in the precinct and sing our hearts out for Fern.

Her need is greater. A combination of TV chef husband’s on-air treats and repeat washing meant she was down to her last housecoat. A special thanks to all you at Kings Watch School, Essex, who soaked 500 stale Ryvita in brine and spun and packed the mixture into a new twin set for dear Fern.

Your creation is now on its way to Russell Grant, because Fern is slimmer than Gordon Brown’s smile.

“BRITAIN BOUNCES BACK,” says the Express. And we can all sigh. You too Fern – you too can now exhale…

Judy Finnigan Replaces Fern Britton On This Morning

This Warning: Fern Britton’s Son Could Join Gang

Critics Review Fern Britton Weight Loss DVD

Fern Briton’s New Weight Loss DVD

Anorak

Posted: 14th, October 2008 | In: Celebrities, Tabloids Comments (2) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink