Looking For Jennifer Aniston At Jennifer Hudson’s Crime Scene

IN TODAY’S episode of “Where’s Jennifer Aniston?” the National Enquirer shines a searchlight on life in the Hollywood Hills.

“Jennifer Hudson MURDER TRAGEDY!” screams the NE.

We read on and among the gore and the grimness, we find no hint of our Jennifer. There are “crime scene photos”, and readers see: a tape, a car, a door handle with a combination lock built in and pictures of the gone.

But there’s no Jen. All the faces are black, and Jen is blonde. She’d stand out. She’s not there.

“PATRICK SWAYZE COLLAPSE!” comes the second clue.

Readers see a picture of a “burial plot”, a shot of Patrick Swayze in jeans and white T-shirt, and a blonde. Is it Jennifer? No. It’s Lisa Niemi, Swayze’s wife.

“OBAMA SEX SCANDAL!” Ooer. Can this be Jennifer Aniston?

Wrong again. It’s Frank Marshall Davis, who has “confessed to having sex with children, sadomasochism, bondage and wife array of twisted sexual practices.”

And Jen? How is she tangled up in this depravity?

We know not. But we are less enquiring than relieved to find Jen alive and in usual form (toothy smile, hand on hair), illustrating a story that there is to be party for the 40th birthday, whenever it should arrive.

Hurrah!

But now found, Jen is soon gone. Where she goes? Who knows? We must wait until next week’s fun and games…

Anorak

Posted: 4th, November 2008 | In: Celebrities Comment (1) | Follow the Comments on our RSS feed: RSS 2.0 | TrackBack | Permalink