Ozzy Osbourne Needs A Mini Me
OZZY Osbourne is looking for foul-mouthed seven-year old to play him in a TV show.
Says a source at The Osbournes: Loud and Dangerous:
“Our mini Ozzy will need a Brummie accent and dark hair. The script contains strong adult language that must be performed in a believable and compelling way.”
But how can such a child star be found? Strong adult language stands still for no man, it being a moveable feat of expletives.
Would the young Ozzy call someone a “Motherf*****”, scream “Paedo!” at the man in the park or uncurl the single raised finger over the once ubiquitous and oh-so British twinset?
What is needed is throwback, a child who is so out of touch with modern living that he believes a knife is something you eat with.
It might be too hard a task to find such a creature, and Ozzy may well have to play his younger self himself, screeching “bloody hell!” at the top of his voice and asking mater “Do you think I meant country matters?” and quaint use of “pillock”…